Game of Thrones S6:E10 “The Winds of Winter”

Game of Thrones S6:E10 “The Winds of Winter”

This is me having to wait an ENTIRE YEAR for the next season of Game of Thrones.

tommen jumps
 He really puts the King’s Landing in King’s Landing.

This episode was the best of the series, and certainly up there with some of the best of all the seasons.  This season has been uneven to say the least, and there was that really terrible episode 8 with Arya, UGH, but this is a huge redemption.

This is the Game of Thrones I love!

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Me watching the episode.  Also, CATS!!!!

The Tommen moment above, and many other moments had me yelling at the TV, “I did NOT see that coming!” or “I DID see that coming but NOT in that way!”

This is Benioff and Weiss writing at their best, and Miguel Sapochnik was, again, masterful at his direction, especially the tension building up to the Sept explosion.  We knew things were going to happen, the wildfire, possibly Tommen dying, but it’s how they happened that was exciting.  They made the predictable compelling, and that’s really, really hard to do.  It’s like what they did with the fight between The Red Viper and The Mountain, I knew what the outcome would be, but the build up was so unpredictable, there was a moment when I thought, “Wait, is he NOT going to kill the Red Viper?”  But then-

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My retinas!!!

And lest we forget the epic Red Wedding.

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Revenge is coming. 

That’s why I didn’t understand the predictability of the Battle of the Bastards, because I know what they’re capable of.  This time, however, they brought that shit!

I have a few quibbles with this episode, the Tower of Joy was kind of a letdown after being teased with it for the better part of the season, a couple key scenes felt really rushed and deserved to breathe a bit more, or even moved up to earlier episodes, but overall I absolutely loved it.  Big moves were finally made, the new power structure is set, lots of confession, lots of revenge.  Act II is officially closed, and next season we begin the final Act III.

There’s a lot to cover, and I have a lot of questions.  This particular blog has taken me longer than usual because I have so many thoughts, so I apologize if they’re a little jumbled!

The direwolf is back!!!

winterfell opening sequence
*Sniff!!*

SEPTPOCALYSPETHE BEGINNING OF THE END OF HOT MARGAERY

Simple, ominous bell tolls start off the episode, and on that literal note, the music for this episode, especially the first half, was outstanding.

Tommen and Margaery dress separately in what will ultimately be their funeral attire, and the High Sparrow puts on, presumably, his least grimy robe.

Cersie, on the other hand, looks like she’s putting on a uniform, dressing for battle.  Her outfit is fucking severe!

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Dress for the job you want! 

Then we see Tommen, sitting there alone, not wanting to go to the trial because he’s scared shitless.  He fears the outcome, fears he might have fucked up, and definitely fears his mother.  He knows this trail is happening because of him, because of what he did, but mostly because of what he didn’t do.

alone tommen
I could really use some hugz from Ser Pounce right about now.

This is how Tommen got to this point.

When the Faith Militant seized Margaery, his wife and the Queen, Loras, his wife’s brother whom she loved, and his own mother, he did nothing.  While they rotted in the cells, he did nothing.  When Cersei did her awful, humiliating walk of atonement, he did nothing.  He sided with the High Sparrow, who used Tommen’s desperate need for fatherly love to manipulate him, he went along with it.

Why?

He wanted to have sex with Margaery again.  Yes, I think he was in love with her, as much as a teenager could be in love when he’s blinded by great sex, but he really just wants to get in there again.  A LOT.  We know Margaery wasn’t giving up the goods (inexplicably) in the marital bed, and Tommen went and whined about it to the High Sparrow.  The High Sparrow saw his opportunity to get what he wanted, to get rid of his major enemy, Cersei, all in the guise of being a pious, comforting father figure to love-starved Tommen.  And I think it was a guise, at least in part, because I just can’t believe that the High Sparrow was solely this honorable, humble religious man who just wanted to follow his faith, and simply have everyone else saved in that faith as well.   Of course he had an end game, because why else would he need the violent Faith Militant, who didn’t carry flowers, but weapons, at his disposal?

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I just want more of this again!!

Tommen’s thinking, most likely, was that if he did everything the High Sparrow told him to, he’d get Margaery back, and everything would turn out for the best, especially for his mother.  He declared his faith to The Seven because of the low-talking, fatherly chirping of the High Sparrow who gave him desperately needed compassion and comfort.  He declared there would be no more trial by combat because the High Sparrow probably told him everything would turn out fine, and of course the gods would be merciful and just to his mother, so he had nothing to worry about.  Tommen just really wanted to be having sex on the reg with Margaery again, and not have his Mom mad at him anymore.

So here he sits in the bed he made, and now the trial is actually here, it’s actually happening (as a wise person says later on), and now he’s not sure of anything.  The great game really is terrifying, and I think Tommen finally feels it’s suffocating weight.

The bell tolls for thee, Tommen.

GRAND HYPOCRITE PYCELL

First of all, gross.  Second, that prostitute needs to learn the phrase “pay for play.”  No pay.  No play!  I wonder who runs the brothels now that Littlefinger’s gone?  Or, since the Faith Militant destroyed the brothels, where did Pycell find this girl?  Anyhoo, the poor girl never got her money, and lord knows she earned it.

prostitute
Pegging costs double!

Cersei’s hated Pycell for a long time, and though he’s pretty easy to keep in check, she’s on a mission, and she’s finishing this chess match of her against everyone.  No more strategic moves, no more waiting, she’s going to win by simply destroying the entire board.  Everybody has to go.

One of Qyburn’s little birds whispers into Pycell’s ear, which will take him on a deadly  detour from the Sept.  Qyburn’s little birds have certainly become very well-trained, and fucking scary!

As far as Qyburn’s new team of little birds, those Dornish candied plums he bribed them with a few episodes ago must be the best fucking candied plums ever made EVER, because those little fuckers are stone, cold assassins.  Everything was timed perfectly (a little too perfectly, but I’m letting that little quibble go), and it just made things super creepy by having kids do some of the killing and dirty work, kids who sold their soul for Dornish candied plums.

qyrun birds dornish candy
Kid:  Please kind sir, we love the candied plums, but might we have some fruit and vegetables?  Q: Shut your freaking pie hole!!

Back at the Sept, the highly perceptive Margaery is a little suspicious that Tommen and Cersei aren’t there yet, as they bring in poor Loras.   The High Sparrow has never looked so pleased with himself.

HS from below
I’m so righteous I’d totally do me!!

I expect, as many have, that Margaery has a plan, because the ladies of Highgarden always have a plan, and are masters at the long game.  Margaery certainly gave Loras full instructions when she saw him in his cell.  The first step was that Loras would admit to everything: his penchant for the D, perjury, arrogance and profligacy.  I was hoping that “profligacy” was some gay, rough trade,  power sex move I never heard of, but alas, it just means reckless extravagance.  He will join the Faith Militant, which means he has give up his name and all his titles, lordship and claims on Highgarden.  In that moment, he left Highgarden with no heir and summarily ended their family lineage and name, much to the horror of his father.  Oh, poor Mace.  Poor sweet, doofus Mace.

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Poor Mace! 

This at minimum keeps Loras alive, which I think was Margaery’s only goal for now, until she could get Tommen back to his senses, with dat ass, and get rid of the High Sparrow and all his bullshit.  The thing is, that could have happened if Tommen had just let Jaime and the Tyrell army destroy the Faith Militant a few episodes ago.  Yet another Tommen fuck up.

lancel tattoo
That’s some painful conversion therapy.

Poor Loras.

WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT THE MOUNTAIN

Begin the perfect, soft piano score, and the brilliant ratcheting up of suspense.

-They realize Cersei is NOT on her way to the trial.
-Cersei calmly pours a glass of wine.
-The Mountain comes calling on Tommen, which I did not expect.
-Prick Lancel leaves to find Cersei, gets lured by a creepy, little bird.
-Pycell ends up in Qyburn’s man cave.

Qyburn tells Pycell he “bears him no ill will, please forgive me if you can.” Jesus, I hate to know what he does to people to whom he does wish “ill will.”

Qyburn is “pained” that Pycell will “die alone in such a cold, dark place. But sometimes before we can usher in the new, the old must be put to rest.”  The thing about that, however, is that both Cersei and Qyburn are also the “old.”  The “new” is happening all around them and they don’t even know it.

A knife unsheathes, and Pycell turns to see the Children of the Dorne (-ish candied plums).  Oh, come on.  I tried!!

qyburn pycell
Oh fuck me.

Cue the creepy solo aria and cello along with the piano which marks the beginning of the brilliant intercutting of Lancel, Pycell, Cersei, and the Sept.

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Mr Qyburn, after this will you finally find us real families who just want to give us hugs and a loving structure?


YE OLD SPINAL TAP

Lancel is led deep under the Sept. Then-

lancel spine
Like a fucking surgeon!

Wow.  That little kid must have practiced on many a corpse to learn how to cut someone’s spinal cord that fast and efficiently, rendering Lancel paralyzed.  What a baller move.

The light from his torch gives us the first glimpse of the barrels of wildfire with just a touch of green around the edges.  So perfect.  Lancel slowly realizes what he’s seeing, and his panic builds, just like this entire amazing sequence.

long wildfire barrels
Oh fucking motherfucking fuck!

Back at the Sept, Margaery’s panic slowly builds as well as she realizes how wrong the whole situation is.  She snaps back to “real” Margaery.  Yay, real Margaery!

marg gtfo
Fuck your fucking gods we need to get the fuck out you sanctimonious fuck!


Soon to be REALLY hot Margaery:
Forget about the bloody gods and listen to what I’m telling you!  Cersei understand the consequences of her absence and she’s absent anyway.  Which means she does not intend to suffer those consequences.  The trial can wait, we all need to leave.

The High Sparrow scoffs.   Oh the self-righteousness of that scoff.  The hubris of that scoff.  The High Sparrow thinks he knows what the gods want.  He thinks he’s humble, but claiming to know what the gods want is the height of arrogance.

And so he refuses to listen to Margaery.

Now, here’s my problem, why do the Faith Militant block everyone from leaving?  Lancel has been tried, Margaery is not on trial nor are any of the spectators.  So there’s no reason to hold them captive.  That bugged me a little, but I can let that go of that as well because of the brilliance of all the rest of it.

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You were so excellent Natalie Dormer!

Back under the Sept, Lancel arrives to the VERY perfectly-timed candles.

lancel blows up
Boom.

And.

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Wait for it…

HS blows up
I really didn’t expect Margaery to die, but I get why she did.  Margaery was playing the long game against an opponent who was already finished playing, and she lost.

Now we’ve also confirmed that Bran can see the future.  Does Bran know he can see the future?

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Bran’s vision.

To the victor..

cersei watches sept burn
Mischief managed!!

Let’s hope that terrible Carol Brady hair is gone next season!

cersei drinks wine
I’m thinking a dry, full-bodied red with a bitter finish. 

Bottom line, Cersei simply hated Margaery and was jealous of her from the very beginning.  Bye forever Margaery!

WINEBOARDING

Cersei goes to her next victim, Septa Unella, and gives the most amazing confession of all confessions.

wineboarding
I guess she didn’t like the full-bodied red with the bitter finish.


Cersei: “I do things because they feel good.  I drink because it feels good.  I killed my husband because it felt good to be rid of him.  I fuck my brother because it feels good to feel him inside me.  I lie about fucking my brother, because it feels good to keep our sons safe from hateful hypocrites.  I killed your High Sparrow and all his little Sparrow… because it felt good to watch them burn.  It felt good to imagine their shock and their pain.  No thought has ever given me greater joy. Even confessing feels good under the right circumstances.”

Now Cersei is “clean.”  It’s all out there.  She’s not hiding any part of herself any more because fuck everybody.

Then she calls in Ser Gregor.  I believe it’s the first time since his “transition” that he’s been called Ser Gregor Clegane.

mountain
Well, that’s some fucked up shit.


“You’ve always been quiet.  This is Ser Gregor Clegane.  He’s quiet too.”

septa cersei
Wait!! Did I say “shame?”  I mean, uh, SAME!  That we’re the same!!!

Poor Unella.  You shamed the wrong woman.

shame

Cersei sure does know how to nail an exit.

ANOTHER SON FALLS FROM A WINDOW BUT THIS ONE ACTUALLY DIES AND ALSO DOESN’T BECOME THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THE WORLD.  THAT’S SOME FULL CIRCLE, KARMIC SHIT RIGHT THERE.

For all the reasons I stated above, plus losing Margaery, and in addition to realizing what his mother is capable of, Tommen jumps.  It’s silent, horrible, and awesome.  Poor kid was never meant to be a lion, he was always a Ser Pounce at heart.

tommen jumps
The judges give it a perfect score because he really stuck the landing.


TITUS ARYA-DRONICUS

Jaime is over Walder Frey, Walder Frey’s kids are over Walder Frey, and we’re over Walder Frey.

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You smell of farts and mothballs.

Jaime is also over himself and his life as it is currently, whoever and whatever that is.  I don’t think he knows who he is any more, nor does he like who he is any more.  These petty skirmishes, fighting other people’s fights, the thrill of battle, of winning the game, it no longer appeals to him.  This puts him in a vulnerable state, which is the worst state to be in right now when going back to Cersei.

We come back to Walder eating alone, he’s being his usual gross self, when a servant girl brings him his meat pie.  Walder wants to know where his sons are, and are they “trimming their cunt hairs.”  Classic Walder!  Anyway, what’s wrong with a little manscaping?

meat pie
Waiter?  I don’t think this is done.

I’ll admit I was really confused when the servant girl kept saying his sons were “here, my Lord.”  “They’re already here, my Lord.  HERE, my Lord.”  And I’m all, “WHERE, where are they servant girl because I don’t see shit!”

Then she took off the face, and here’s what I wrote in my notes:

OH MY FUCKING GOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I’M LOSING MY SHIT AND SHITTING MY PANTS AT THE SAME TIME!!!
YAAAS QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!

I was completely taken by surprise, jumped up, yelled out loud, scared the cat, then had to call my friend who already watched to talk it through because I had sensory overload.

“My name is Arya stark.  I want you to know that.  The last thing you’re ever going to see is a Stark smiling down on you as you die.”

arya cut 2 USE
Avada Kedavra Mr. Filch!  Thank you David Bradley!

Arya just out Sweeny Todd-ed Sweeny Todd.

As much as I loved this necessary and incredible revenge, and lost my shit over it, I had some issues with the surrounding circumstances.

First, Arya apparently teleported from Braavos to the Riverlands, which I imagine would take at least a month’s journey?   When Brienne and Pod still aren’t back from Riverrun? But then timelines can get a little confusing on this show, especially as of late.

Second, she chopped up TWO GROWN MEN, Black Walder and Lothar (of the Hill People).  How did she do this with no one knowing?  In a kitchen full of servants?  Do they have a giant food processor?  Or a Fargo-esque wood chipper?

Third, did she take a commemorative souvenir suitcase full of faces when she left the House of Black and White?  I don’t understand the Faceless Man rules.  She reclaimed her name as Arya Stark, so is definitely SOMEONE, and a person has to be “no one” in order to be a Faceless Man.  I don’t think she’s cold-blooded enough to kill come random girl on the journey and take her face, so we have to assume she has that face and certainly others from the House of B & W.  Also, there’s definitely some magic involved to use a face, which I’d really like to know about.  Did Jaqen give her a few “goodbye and good luck out there” faces?  Was that Jaqen’s plan the whole time?  Train her even though he knew she’d always be Arya, but she still get’s to do the faceless stuff?  The whole thing hasn’t been explained well at all.

I forgot that Uncle “The Tool” Edmure is locked in the dungeons, maybe she releases him?  Or not?  Who cares?  No one.  It turns out Edmure is No One.

Oh, and this reunion WILL happen because in the books Nymeria is running around with a wolf pack in the Riverlands.  Arya is in the Riverlands.  They WILL reunite and Nymeria will NOT die!

arya hugs nymeria
I wuv you Nymeeweea!!

THIS JUST IN – JON’S STILL SUPER BORING AND EMO

Do the writers think Jon Snow is interesting?  Does anyone?  The circumstances around him are, but his character is just so boring lately.

white ravento winterfell
The white raven cometh.

Jon laments about having to sit at the bastard kid’s table, and Melisandre tells him to check his privilege.  Jon’s so whiny!

Davos confirms that Melisandre was responsible for burning Shireen.  It’s sweet how much he loved her, like his own daughter.  We all loved Shrieen.  She was the only one who brought out any perceptible humanity from Stannis, well, until he burned her alive and whatnot.

Jon won’t kill Melisandre because, you know, she brought him back from the dead and all, so he sends her south.  Which is just as well because she’s become super dull as well.

davos
I’ll cut ye if ye return!

I think Melisandre will run into the the Brotherhood Without Banners and Arya, since she did tell Arya they would meet again.  I’m not sure what will come of this, and I really have no guesses as to what role she’ll play from here on out.  Maybe her and the other Red Witch will fight it out about who the Prince That Was Promised is.

OK.  I really don’t understand what Sansa or Jon wants.

The conversation between Sansa and Jon on the battlement, where Sansa gave Jon a lame “I’m sorry” for not telling him about the Knights of the Vale,  Jon says he’s having the Lord’s room that was their mother and father’s, prepared for her.  (Are there still servants?)  She doesn’t want it and tells Jon that he should take it, she sees Jon as a legitimate Stark, which we now know is somewhat true, but Jon doesn’t seem to want it either.

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No YOU’RE the Lord of Winterfell!  No YOU are!!

He tells her they need to trust each other, and he’s right.  There’s no reason for Sansa to NOT trust Jon, so why doesn’t she?  It seems like she doesn’t.  This is what’s been annoying me.  What is Sansa thinking?  She said she doesn’t trust Littlefinger, but why does she have this weird look all the time like she doesn’t trust Jon?  If the writers are setting up a conflict between them, I’m going to be so pissed because it will have zero basis in any story thus far, and will just be to force some conflict.  Sansa doesn’t have anyone else, and it make no sense that she wouldn’t trust Jon.

But this made me happy.

sansa winter is coming

jon winter dad said so

 Ned sure as shit said it enough!  And Ned will always be Jon’s father.

Pervy Littlefinger creeps up on Sansa sitting in front of a gorgeous weirwood tree, and he confesses his plan.

littlefinger sansa tree
What if she was peeing??

He wants the Iron Throne, and he wants her.  It’s really skeevy and pedo.  He knew her when she was a little girl.  Does Littlefinger really love her?  Or does he love the Catelyn he sees in her?   Either way, ew.  He tries to convince her that the North is hers to rule as the rightful heir, and not a bastard.  To have Sansa rule the North works best for him, if it’s Jon, Littlefinger needs another plan.

Can we just kill this guy already?

JUST MAKE LADY MORMONT QUEEN OF THE NORTH AND GET IT OVER WITH

I love Little Lady Mormont!!  I stated before that it’s that actress’s first role, Bella Ramsey, and she’s slaying it, is a huge fan favorite, and it must be so exciting for her.

lady mormont
You’re all a boonch of fookeng coonts!

She gives all those other “men” a sound tongue lashing about how they all “refused the call” to come help house Stark in its time of need.  Then she gets to say the iconic line, “The North remembers.”

She basically legitimizes Jon herself, that even though he’s a bastard, he still has Ned Stark’s blood running through his veins.  Which genetically is true.  With the way the show is going, though, it seems a little odd they didn’t hail Sansa as the Queen of the North, a true heir of Ned Stark, who, by the fucking way, saved ALL THEIR ASSES by being smart enough to bring in the Knights of the Vale.

Maybe the North, at this point, still needs that dick to rally around.  It bothers me that Jon didn’t chime in and say, “Sansa deserves this.  She saved all of us and she’s Ned’s rightful heir.”  It bothers me mostly because Jon is a TERRIBLE ruler and is woefully unaware of it.  He swings a good sword, but he’s really lame at everything else.

lady mormont king o northking o th north jon sansa only

I’m trying to figure out how Sansa feels about this, and I think she’s OK with it.

sansa littfiger look 3
Now what are you going to do asshole?

I think she knows that the North will better rally around a man, and she still is Lady of Winterfell.  I believe she will soon be Queen of the North when they find out Jon’s true lineage.  I’m interested to see how this affects not only Jon, but Sansa and Arya.  I mean, it’s a pretty big deal to have Targaryen blood in your veins, good or bad.

Either way, Jon is still half Stark, and the White Wolf has arrived.

UGH DORNE – OH WAIT, IT’S LADY OLENNA!  NEVER MIND!

Finally we know how to make Dorne interesting, send in Lady Olenna.  There’s another issue here with lightning-fast time travel, I mean, her entire family was just wiped out.  But I  forgave that when Lady O shuts down “Barbaro” with “You look like an angry little boy, don’t presume to tell me what I need.”  To the other two, “You, shut up.  Anything from you?  Good, let the grown women speak.”  It’s great because NO ONE cares what their names are or is interested in what they have to say.

I think Lady Olenna would LOVE Lady Bear Cub Mormont.  I think she should adopt her.

lady o
I’m glad you’re still with us Lady O!

I’m perplexed with Ellaria sitting so comfortably in the Dorne ruler’s seat.  I guess the Dornish are pretty laid back, go with the flow, eat their candied plums, kind of people, because everything seems to be fine in Dorne after bastard Ellaria killed the the Prince of Dorne, Doran Martell, and his only male heir, Trystane.  She isn’t even a bastard of House Dorne, she’s of House Uller.  She wasn’t even married to Prince Oberyn, the Red Viper, she was just his paramour.  Her bastard kids are Oberyn’s, so at minimum they have half Martell/royal blood, but Ellaira has literally no claim to anything.  So her sitting confidently in power is confusing.

I feel so bad for Lady Olenna.  She has no one left.  No one to carry on her name.  Her House is officially dead.  However, she still has her considerable army and considerable money, I presume, and now she has nothing more to lose, no reason to follow any rules, and nothing but all the time in the world for revenge, and I guarantee she’s going to be great at it.

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Yaaas queens!!!

Then Varys walks in offering “Fire and Blood,” the Targaryen house slogan.  All this was so rushed, and it’s one of the scenes I wanted just a little bit more from.  Varys and Lady Olenna are so good together, I wanted a little conversation.  Does Lady Olenna know that Dany exists?  That her dragons exist?  I wanted to actually see her get this incredible information from Varys.  I know it was a long episode, but I felt a little shorted here.

SAM AND THE CITADEL (a scene that could have been in an earlier episode)

citadel arrival
So cool.

Sam arrives at the Citadel just in time to see them release hundreds of white ravens to signify that winter is coming.

citadel birds
Assuming those ravens have On Star.

And this will not be a typical winter, this winter brings the Long Night.

Thousands of years ago, there came a night that lasted a generation. Kings froze to death in their castles, same as the shepherds in their huts; and women smothered their babies rather than see them starve, and wept, and felt the tears freeze on their cheeks… In that darkness the White Walkers came for the first time. They swept through cities and kingdoms, riding their dead horses, hunting with their packs of pale spiders big as hounds.
Old Nan to Bran Stark[src]

This winter will bring the next Long Night.

Sam meets the bitchy, front desk Citadel guy.

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Also, I have a pretty good-sized stick up my ass.

Bitchy finally agrees to go see what to do about Sam, and probably sort him into Hufflepuff, because Sam is the MOST Hufflepuff.

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Major Hufflepuff.  Gilly reads Gryffindor to me.

Bitchy lets Sam into the storied Citadel library, which contains everything about everything, and certainly has the best stuff hidden, which I know Sam will find.

I give you Sam’s Beauty and the Beast moment.

sam gasm
Sam’s first registered orgasm.

I’m so excited to find out what Sam learns.  He’ll learn about the dark, forbidden magic Qyburn and some of the more rebellious Maesters learned, and were kicked out of the Citadel for.  He’ll learn how magic was suppressed after the first Long Night.  He’ll learn about how Valyrian steel is forged and the magic necessary.  He’ll learn how dragonglass is made.  He’ll possibly learn how to kill the Night’s King and might just turn out to be the greatest hero in Westeros, and then he can tell his dad to, “Suck it. Oh, AND I took your sword, asshole!!”

Also, I noticed that the graphics in the opening sequence match exactly the hanging fixtures in the library.

ee-got-chandeliers
Oooh!  A clue!

This is no accident.  I think the Citadel somehow sees and knows everything that happens everywhere, and is possibly even involved in manipulating how history plays out.  At the very least, it’s THE headquarters of the most powerful magic anywhere, and certainly it’s where the magic was created that was built into The Wall, and there’s definitely some nefarious shit going on there.  Sam’s going to discover some BIG things.

So excited for this!

UNCLE BENJEN IS THE WORST UBER DRIVER EVER

Uncle Bejen unceremoniously dumps Bran off near The Wall, on the frozen ground and leaves him with no horse, and it looks like not even his little sled.  Poor Meera’s gonna have to piggyback him the rest of the way.  I hope she didn’t skip leg day.

bran reclining
So I’ll just relax in this frozen puddle with no horse or sled?  Thanks for nothing Uncle BJ.

Non-book readers learn that The Wall has ancient spells built into it, and very strong magic to keep out what lies beyond.  This means that Benjen, since he’s dead, the wights, the White Walkers, and Night’s King can’t pass through to the other side.

Here’s the thing.  Doesn’t Benjen know that Bran is marked by the Night’s King?  Bran certainly knows if he goes through The Wall, he will cancel out the magic, and the White Walkers will come through.  He must know this, right, because of how his mark broke the magic that was keeping the 3-eyed Raven’s lair protected?  And plus he’s the 3-Eyed Raven 2.0 and knows the entire history of the world?

However, he can’t stay beyond The Wall forever because he will die, but why not just let him die?  Why does the 3-eyed raven have to exist?   If Bran dies the White Walkers can never pass into the world of men because the magic will stay intact.  I know they don’t do flashbacks, but I wouldn’t mind a little one showing us a bit of the building of The Wall, and Bran the Builder,  and who put the magic into it and what that magic is.   I hope that we get very, very good reasons why Bran will choose to pass through the wall, because he will.  Maybe he knows who the Prince That Was Promised is, ie: Azor Ahai, and he needs to make that happen.

At some point next season, the entire Wall will come crashing down, which will be spectacular.  The Wall is the very first shot of the entire series, and despite the inner squabblings for the Iron Throne, everything is about not letting what’s beyond The Wall pass into the world of men.  Who knows if other things live in the Wall?

And finally, we get the somewhat lame conclusion to the Tower of Joy.

TOWER OF JOY-ISH AND THE BULLSHIT WHISPERING

Bran pops back to the Tower as young Ned bursts into the room where his sister Lyanna lies in bed in a giant pool of blood.  It’s weird that he doesn’t ask, “What happened?”  “Why are you bleeding?” Also, “What happened!!??!”

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Here, let me whisper some shit in your ear, just to fuck with the audience a little more.

WHY THE FUCKING WHISPERING??!??!!??  I’m so pissed about this.  We’ve been blue balled basically the entire season with this reveal, then half of it gets whispered?  Even though I knew who Jon’s parents were, there’s still a little more information she’s giving.  NOT COOL.  NOT.  FUCKING.  COOL.

Now, the reason Robert Baratheon went to overthrow the Mad King in the first place is because he heard his son, Rhaegar Targaryen, kidnapped his true love and betrothed, Lyanna Stark.  I don’t think he kidnapped her, I think Rhaegar and Lyanna were really in love.  At the time, Rhaegar was officially married to Oberyn Martell’s older sister Elia, but he got his true love, Lyanna, pregnant on the side.

I think at some point Rhaegar secretly married Lyanna so their baby would be legitimate.  Long ago the Targaryen’s practiced polygamy, so this could be a possibility, but who is alive to prove it?  Does Varys know?  He was there back then.  Or maybe that information is held under lock and key at the Citadel?

I’d guess Jon is the legitimate Targaryen heir, because there were Kingsguard guarding the Tower when Ned and Howland Reed arrived to save Lyanna.  The Kingsguard would never guard a bastard, they only guard royalty.  This would make Jon the legitimate Targaryen heir as Aerys II’s grandson, with Daenerys as his aunt.

Some say Jon and Dany will marry, and even though the Targaryens marry within their own family, I don’t think this will happen.  It doesn’t seem like Dany would marry her nephew, nor Jon would be into marrying his aunt, but I bet Dany would be thrilled to find out she has another living relative who’s nothing like incestuous, abusive Viserys.

This will all probably have to also be confirmed by Howland Reed, Meera’s dad, because who’s going to believe the tree-toucher Bran?   Also, Howland can confirm Jon’s parents, but not a secret wedding.

What does this mean for the throne?  How will this affect or change Jon when he finds out? I’m not sure.  Dany wants the throne, and she learned lesson upon lesson about how to rule, and now knows that it requires a combination of strength and benevolence.  Jon’s a shitty ruler, and there’s no indication that he wants the Iron Throne let alone be King of the North.

Will Jon ride a dragon?  We’ll see.  Will Jon and Dany be on the same side?  I don’t see why they wouldn’t.  Is Jon even his real name?  Probably not.  I’d guess that it’s Aemon or possibly Aerys III after his grandfather, the Mad King.  That would be cool.  Also, again, all this information could be at the Citadel, as pretty much all information about everything is somewhere at the Citadel.

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The oldest, most worried baby ever.

Ned Stark, the most honorable man ever, gave up his honor by letting his wife think he fucked a whore and got her pregnant while he was away at war, because he promised his sister on her death bed.  That sacrifice made him the most honorable man in this entire story, which is also what got him killed.  However, I don’t get why he couldn’t tell Catelyn, who seems to me is also honorable, and probably loved Lyanna, and would have protected Jon also, and then she wouldn’t have treated him like shit his whole life.

In the end, Jon is very much his Uncle’s son, so very honorable, which makes me a little afraid for him.

SWORD

Ned carried a second sword into the chamber.  It’s Ser Arthur Dayne’s sword, the Kingsguard who they just killed.

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This is not an accidental close up.

Arthur Dayne is called the “Sword of the Morning,” and his sword is named Dawn, which was forged from the metal of a fallen star.  This sword is possibly thousands of years old and the oldest sword in existence. It’s too much to go into now, but there’s a reason for this very pointed close-up.  Look up Azor Ahai, ie: the Prince That Was Promised, and Lightbringer.  Dawn will have to be reforged with special magic, and I think Gendry might be the person who will do that, and I think Melisandre will find him and help him with the magic, I won’t say how, but it will be pretty epic.

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Hey guys, did I miss anything?!

Maybe the reason Jon Snow is so lame is because he’s blocked, like his soul is blocked.  His true self can’t come out until the right sword, Lightbringer, is placed into his hand and he finally becomes the Prince That Was Promised.

OH FUCK HERE’S BORING DAARIO

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I know I have no personality, but remember my butt?

Thank goodness we’re rid of Daario, who unattractively whines for Daenerys to keep him as her mistress, or man-stress.   And even though Daario pledged his life and sword to her, it’s a little unbelievable that he and the Second Sons can and will keep the peace in Meereen.  The Second Sons are sellswords, they fight for pay.  They’re not a peacekeeping military.  If he’s not gone for good, we’ll see him again fighting against her because the price was right.  He was never loyal or appropriately in awe of her like Jorah was, or even now like Tyrion.

Here’s some consolation for my hetero lady friends and gay male friends because I love you.

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You’re welcome.

Anyway, smell you later Daario!  Now Daenerys can get some of that good Yara loving!

OH HOW I LOVE THIS TYRION AND DAENERYS SCENE

First, the fact they are sitting on the same step like regular people, as equals and as friends, is a beautiful sight to see.  I don’t think we’ve ever seen her this unguarded in front of anyone up to this point. It just shows how much Daenerys trusts, appreciates, and loves him.  She knows he is an invaluable advisor, better than anyone anywhere, and she knows she needs him as much as her army and dragons as they enter the great game.

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BFFs.

“How about the fact that this is actually happening?…Are you afraid?”

She nods.  I also don’t think she’s ever admitted fear before, another example of how much she trusts Tyrion, and how much she’s matured from that little girl that married Khal Drogo way back when.  Only a fool wouldn’t be scared, and Daenerys is no longer the arrogant fool she could be in the past.

Then this moment!  The fact that, with everything happening, Dany still took the time to get that pin made for Tyrion, well, it’s just amazing.

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That look.

This is the first honor Tyrion’s earned without his father, without having to throw around his name, or without having to throw around his money.  He earned it by being exactly who he is, and I think he’s probably a little in love with Dany too.  Who wouldn’t be?  Bitch has dragons!!!

I still think Daeneys is barren, and honestly I don’t see her marrying, but she does need an heir to keep the Targaryen rule going.  So IF she can still bear children, and she did marry again, perhaps it would be to Tyrion?  I don’t think she loves him that way now, but if there’s a happy ending for Tyrion, it’s that he finds true love, real love without having to pay for it, and what greater prize than the Mother of Dragons?  The catch of the millennia!  It’s all Tyrion ever wanted, to be loved and accepted and honored for who he is, by his family, by a woman, by anyone.  It’s also still possible that Tyrion, based on his ability to talk to the dragons, that he could be half Targaryen, and maybe it ends up that Dany isn’t barren, and they have an heir.  I’d love that for Tyrion!

MAGGY THE FROG’S PROPHECY IS FULFILLED – ALMOST

When Cersei sees Tommen’s body, she has nothing left.  Her soul is empty, and there’s no coming back.

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Whatever shred of good was left in Cersei, it’s now gone forever.

Cersei thought if she loved her children hard enough, albeit in her own fucked-up way, she could outrun the prophecy.  A prophecy that’s haunted her every day since she gave birth to Joffrey.  The one redeeming quality about Cersei, the one thing in which we could always find sympathy, is that she loved her kids with every fiber of her being, with everything she had.  Now that Tommen is dead, that’s buried with him too.

Her three children died before her, but the entire prophecy is not yet fulfilled.

Cersei: I will be queen, though?
Maggy: Aye. Queen you shall be… until there comes another, younger and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear.

Cersie always assumed this was Margaery, when actually I think it’s Daenerys.

Cersei: Will the king and I have children?
Maggy: Oh, aye. Six-and-ten for him, and three for you. Gold shall be their crowns and gold their shrouds, she said. And when your tears have drowned you, the valonqar shall wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you.

I stated before that “valonqar” is High Valyrian for “little brother.”  This could be either Jaime, who is the younger twin, or Tyrion.  Cersei’s always assumes it was Tyrion.  I think it’ll be Jaime.

HOWEVER, this popped into my head as I was falling asleep.  What if it’s Arya disguised as Jaime?  Cersei is still high on her list, probably number one now, and I wonder if instead of going to Winterfell, she meets up with the Bros Without Banners, and the Hound, and heads with them towards King’s Landing?  The fact that she stopped to kill Walder Frey instead of going straight home, shows how important her revenge mission is to her.  Also, the Hound going back to King’s Landing would allow him to finally battle his brother, The Mountain, and kill him once and for all.

ANYHOO.

Cersei, dressed in her Vera Wang death/vengeance black outfit, walks down the aisle in the throne room, in what looks more like a funeral procession than a coronation ceremony.  Cersei lost everything, and in a cruel twist, it gave her the one thing besides her children and Jaime that she’s always wanted, the Iron Throne.

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This is both hot and terrifying.

She’s declared First of her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, and is crowned by Qyburn.

On one hand, it’s really cool to see the first woman finally sit on the Iron Throne.  On the other hand, we know this won’t last long.  Her claim is tenuous, she only has it because she killed any remaining royalty who could challenge her.  The crowd isn’t into it, and honestly, Jaime has more of a claim, but he’s never wanted the Throne.

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Looks like you’ve been busy.

The look between Jaime and Cersei, yikes!  If it’s not Arya that kills her, Jaime will be a Queenslayer because Cersei is definitely now the Mad Queen.

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Suck it haters!!

Long live the Queen!

DAENERYS IS STACKED AND ON THE MOVE

Wow.  How great is it to see those Targaryen sails fly!  The Sunspear of Dorne!  The Golden Rose of the Tyrells!  The Greyjoy Kraken!  I imagine they gave a few to the Dothraki, who are vomiting and shitting their brains out on their ships.

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The great game is happening!

RANDOM FINAL THOUGHTS

– Will Cersei marry?  Will she try to marry Jaime and he shoots her down?  Can Cersei still have kids?
– You know who I think will marry Cersei?  Littlefinger.  It was really stupid of Cersei to kill Margaery and lose the support of House Tyrell, who was responsible for all the food coming into King’s Landing.  The Lannisters have no money.
– Or possibly she could marry Euron.
– I wonder when Daenerys finally arrives, she finds there is no Iron Throne per se.

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Danys’ vision from The House of the Undying.

– I think the battle for the Iron Throne might be over before she even gets there, and she and everyone else will realize where the real battle lies.
– Did Jon tell the Northern Houses about the White Walkers and the Nights King?  Did they believe him?  This is a conversation I would have like to hear, and how they reacted because that’s some pretty big fucking information to receive.
– Danerys has the entire Dothraki Horde, at least half of the Greyjoy warriors and ships, presumably all of Dorne, and they fight dirty and with poison, the Tyrell army AND Lady Olenna, and 3 dragons.  What does Cersei have?  It seems like a very lopsided battle is about to happen, which is why I think the battle for the throne might be over before she gets there.
– Eurion Greyjoy is still out there, but again, to build a thousand ships would take decades.
-Will Daenerys meet Euron on the high seas?  If that happens, she can just have her dragons burn his ships.
– Unless somehow Euron can control a dragon.  Possible spoilers, but look up “dragonhorn” if you want to know more.
– Who are the human enemies?  Cersei? Euron?  Doesn’t seem like they can win.
– Note that all the leading ladies, Cersei, Sansa, Daenerys, Yara, Lady O, Ellaria are all dressed in black.
– I don’t want any dragons to die!
– I also don’t want Ghost or Nymeria to die!
– I’m so bummed I have to wait another year!!!

Ratings:

The Sept and everything leading up to it:  10/10
Arya:  10/10
Jon and Sansa:  8.5/10
Citadel:  10/10
Lady Mormont:  10/10 (always)
Dorne:  9.8/10 (only because it was way too rushed)
Dany and Tyrion:  10/10
Tower of Joy:  8.0/10

Game of Thrones S6:E9 “Battle of the Bastards”

Game of Thrones S6:E9 “Battle of the Bastards”

Who run the Westeros?

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It’s clear where this show is going, and I love it.  Men have had their turn, and now it’s time for the women.

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Bitches get shit done!

Overall, this week’s episode was light years better than last week’s awful mess,  with the big winner being Miguel Sapochnik, who directed the shit out of it.  He also directed The Gift, Hardhome (spectacular), and will direct the finale, Winds of Winter, so I know we’re in for a treat.

The battle on the pitch was a spectacular visual, a directorial tour de force, no question about it.  It was the greatest ground battle ever shot for television, and could certainly rival any in film.  Miguel should get every directing award that’s available to him.

THAT SAID…

Ultimately there’s no real substance or surprises inside the very predictable Battle of the Bastards.

Let’s break it down.

CAN TYRION KEEP DAENERYS FROM BECOMING THE MAD QUEEN?

Is my Mad Queen theory off the table?  Maybe for now at least, because Dany seems very together, sane, and in control of things at this point.

Logistically, Daenerys arrived back to Meereen at night and saw the ships attacking the city.  We pick up the next day.  Did she just let them attack all night and do nothing?  I assume the Sons of the Harpy were also killing people, albeit ones we don’t care about, all night as well?   Did she send Drogon for a nap?  The opening shot of her is just calmly standing there watching the assault, which is odd.

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Uh,  excuse me ma’am, but people are dying out there.

The big theme that’s been building came very strongly to the forefront in this penultimate episode, “The way things have always been done isn’t going to work anymore.”  Specifically, “The way MEN have always done things isn’t going to work anymore.”

Tyrion did the best he could trying to make a pact with the masters to keep people from getting killed, but it was never going to work because the masters want to go back permanently and keep their slave lifestyle forever, which is why they attacked.

They aren’t aware that going back isn’t going to work anymore.

Thank goodness Daenerys has Tyrion.  Her plan of, “I will crucify the masters, I will set their fleets afire, kill every last one of their soldiers, and return their cities to the dirt,” was a little TOO much like her father, and Tyrion’s all, “Um, what say we take that down a couple notches?” I love that Tyrion has the nads to bring up her father, since the idea of possibly turning into him is something Dany has always worried about.  The great thing about Tyrion is that, no matter what, he’ll say whatever needs to be said, which is exactly what Daenerys needs in an advisor.

In bringing up the Mad King, we get another mention of the wildfire rumored to be hidden everywhere under King’s Landing, possibly even under the Red Keep and the Great Sept of Baelor.  Well, it’s DEFINITELY hidden under there and Cersei knows it too, and there’s going to be some death or deaths happening there next week.

Here come the dick-swinging male masters with, ironically, their on-point guyliner and mascara, and they immediately launch into condescending to, and grossly underestimating, the Dragon Queen.  AGAIN.  Oh you men, will you never learn?  Their ridiculous demands to the “beggar Queen” is to leave Meereen, return the Unsullied to be resold into slavery, including hot Missandei, then conclude by saying they will slaughter her dragons as well.  I mean, don’t they know at least ONE is free?  They must know that, right?

Yunkai master Frank N Furter says, “I imagine it’s difficult, adjusting to the new reality.”  Uh, cupcake, that’s actually the OLD reality, and by the way, look over your left shoulder.

GetAttachment guyliner with drogon
Is my guyliner still ok?  What?  There’s a dragon behind me?  No, I’m NOT looking because that’s what you want me to do!

Oh, that big, adorable baby Drogon.  It’s clear all the CGI money was saved for this episode, and they used it well.  What an entrance!  Dany climbs onto her own mobile wildfire like a boss and takes off, certainly leaving some shit-filled pants behind.

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Good boy!!!

FINALLY we get Rhaegal and Viserion free, but their escape was a bit lame, and what have they been doing down there for seven weeks?  Why didn’t they just break out earlier?  The only reason to keep them there was to create this moment, but whatever, I’m happy to see them finally free, and they’re beautiful!

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Like kitties!! But bigger and with wings and fire!!

It’s clear that the Mother of Dragons has total control over all three of her babies now, which means she doesn’t need two more riders, unless she possibly assigns someone to ride them.  If that happens, I hope Tyrion is one of them.  He deserves it.

Grey Worm pulls an O.J., boring Daario comes in with the Dothraki and kills the Sons of the Harpy, who I guess are just killing random people, and Meereen is thus wrapped with a bow.

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It always seems a bit abstract, doesn’t it?  Other people dying?

Now Daenerys has the most air power, and the most ground power with all the Dothraki.  No army is greater than hers, except perhaps the Army of the Dead.  Now she just has to get them all across the Narrow Sea to Westeros.

WINTERFELL

I know we’ve all loved to hate Ramsey, but overall I’m disappointed that he’s just been one note.  No nuance, just evil.  Joffrey had different levels, Cersei has many levels, but Ramsey is just evil act after evil act, and it went to for WAY too long.

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Sansa shade. “Sleep well.”

Lady Bear Mormont is my new patronus.

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I’m tired of your bullshit in advance, asshole.

Here’s this big question at their war room meeting:

WHY DOESN’T SANSA TELL THEM ABOUT THE KNIGHTS OF THE VALE??  WHY???

ALSO, WHY????

Jon asks her POINT BLANK, “When will we have a larger force?”  WHY DOES SHE SAY NOTHING???  There’s ZERO compelling reasons why they HAVE to attack in the morning instead of waiting for the Knights of the Vale.

I’ve seen people online bend over backwards to justify this, “She wasn’t sure they were coming.”  “She couldn’t trust Jon,” etc. etc.  None of it makes sense.

After the meeting, Sansa’s pissed they didn’t ask her opinion.  Well, Sansa, then SPEAK THE FUCK UP!  Then Sansa proceeds to tell Jon that Ramsey will manipulate him somehow because that’s what he does.

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S: “Don’t do what he wants you to do.”  J: “You’re not the boss of me!  I’ll fuck it up if I want to!!”

One moment I loved is when Sansa told Jon they wouldn’t get Rickon back, that he’s good as dead.  It was painful, but had to be said, and a great adult moment for her.  She wrote him off and rightly so, but that, coupled with the fact Rickon has never been developed as a character, makes me write him off too.  It’s a terrible use of Rickon in this episode, and in general throughout the series.

Davos and Tormund have a nice moment where Davos tells him he’s going off to basically shit himself, then Davos CONVENIENTLY finds the little wooden stag he gave to Shireen.  It’s pretty unbelievable it wouldn’t burn in her sacrificial pyre, but they need it to get rid of Melisandre, who’s turned into a big blah fest.

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Another classic Bob Ross moment.  Gorgeous shot.


MELIS-YAWN-DRE

This conversation resulted in a big nothing.

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J:  Hi, I’m here for the lame fake-out where you try to get people to think I might die again?  M: Sure, yeah.  Lord of Light or whatever.

First, NO ONE believes Jon might die a second time.  They tried, badly, to create some doubt that Jon might not live when Melisandre says maybe the Lord of Light needs him alive just for this battle.   Also, I’m still pissed that Jon is EXACTLY THE SAME, his resurrection keeps getting lamer and lamer, because he’s still lame.  Even when we finally confirm he’s half Targaryen, who cares?  Will he have new powers?  So far everything points to a big fat “no.”

TRIANGLE FLIRTING IN THE TRIANGLE

Theon and Yara offer Dany 100 ships.  Oh wait, there’s one more ship, the shipping of Daenerys and Yara!

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Looks like Yara’s been doing her lunges. 

I would have liked a smidge more of Yara and Theon’s entrance, who, by the way, apparently took a speedboat from Volantis to Meereen.

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They must have had an excellent tailwind.  Get it?  Tail??   Yara’s heading towards “tail?” 

This scene is one I never imagined, and it’s fantastic!  Who thought Yara would ever meet Daenerys?  It’s also the first time Daenerys has met with any of the lords of any of the Seven Kingdoms, and it’s a woman.

Tyrion uses up precious Dany/Yara flirting time to still be pissed at Theon for how he made fun of him all those years ago in Season One.  Really?  Didn’t Tyrion tell Jon to wear his bastard name like armor, and that dwarfs are bastards in their father’s eyes?   Tyrion’s anger seems out of place, and I’m not sure why the writers felt it was necessary to the story.

With that BS out of the way, we now have this excellent, fresh, exciting exchange between two strong women who have been constantly underestimated.  Daenerys has never met a woman like Yara, and she intrigued, and she’s definitely not putting a stop to the flirting, AND I’M OK WITH THAT!

Daenerys asks Theon what’s wrong with him that he doesn’t to rule want the Salt Throne.
T: “I’m not fit to rule.”  I love Theon’s journey, by the way.  Maybe one of the best in the show.
D: “Has the Iron Islands ever had a queen before?”
Y: “No more than Westeros.”

BOOM!

Let the flirting begin!

As far as Euron bringing even more ships to Dany:

D: “So why shouldn’t I wait for him?”
T: “The iron fleet isn’t all he’s bringing.  He also wants to give you-”
Y: “His big cock,  I think he said.  Euron’s offer is also an offer of marriage you see, you won’t get one without the other.”
D: “And I imagine your offer is free of any marriage demands?”
Y: “I never demand, but I’m up for anything, really.”

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Get it Yara!  Daenerys’ expression is priceless.

Can Daenerys be with a woman?  In the books she would often have sex with her handmaidens, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility.  However, can a woman claim the throne when she has no ability to produce an heir?   The traditional way of ruling and lineage?

If I recall correctly, I think that Daenerys is barren.  This goes back to Season 1 and the deal Dany made with the witch, Mirri Maz Duur, to spare Drogo’s life, even though his life turned out to be as a vegetable.  Or it could be that Dany said she wouldn’t choose to reproduce and that her only children would be her dragons.

This begs some questions of her legitimacy to rule and have kids in the traditional construct, and what would it mean if Jon is proven to be a Targaryen?  At least their line could go on, but I’m not sure Jon wants the Iron Throne, and he’d have to hook up with his Aunt, which is what Dany would be to him since she’s Rhaegar’s sister?  It’s also possible that Rhaegar secretly married Lyanna Stark and that Jon might be a true heir, not a Targaryen bastard.  Also, is there another Tagaryen out there?  I won’t say any more on this because I’m not sure what the showrunners have in mind, but you can look it up if you want to go there.

However, since it’s clear we’re going away from the traditional “males rule then male heirs take over” paradigm, anything is possible.  Dany is the breaker of chains, and she can easily break that one as well.

In other good news, Dany will FINALLY leave Meereen and head to Westeros, though I don’t think she’ll arrive until next season.

I love Dany’s and Yara’s good old-fashioned hand shake, well, forearm shake.  Dany has made her first pact with a ruler of one of the Seven Kingdoms, and it’s with a woman, and that’s awesome.

In summary, PLEASE let Daenerys and Yara have a hot hook up!  Or even be together forever! Please!! I’m a good person!  I deserve it!

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If that’s not some serious eye-fucking, I don’t know what is!!

SHIPPING.  SO.  HARD!!

THE BATTLE THAT LOOKS AMAZING BUT IS TOTALLY PREDICTABLE

Ramsey brings out Rickon.  Hey Rickon, one thing…

FUCKING ZIG ZAG YOU IDIOT!  It’s an ARROW, not a BULLET, you can zig zag AND turn to see the arrow coming.  Ugh.  That was done poorly.

Guess what happens next?  Yes, Jon is manipulated by Ramsey.

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Serpentine!!!

Jon apparently can’t control his emotions, doesn’t think once about the danger he’s about to put all those men in behind him, and DOES EXACTLY WHAT SANSA TOLD HIM NOT TO DO.  I mean, come on, let’s admit that on many levels Emo Jon sucks.  Oh, and he magically doesn’t get hit by any of the hundreds of arrows volleyed at him.

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So IS he protected by the Lord of Light??

Then what’s up with Jon’s suicide charge?   Honestly, in that moment it looks like he just said, “Fuck it, I’ll go after all of them myself, and I don’t care if I die.”  But whatever, I suppose, this is still a fucking amazing shot.

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Not greenscreen.  There were about 40 horses actually running at him.

Now we have a very, very long battle.  Again, it’s a visually stunning, directorial masterpiece, but ultimately incredibly predictable.  Who thought Jon was going to die?  Who didn’t think the Knights of the Vale weren’t going to show up in the nick of time?  Who didn’t think Ramsey would finally die?  I didn’t even think Davos or Tormund would die either.  On the After the Thrones on HBO GO, where they interview the showrunners, they said Jon survived just by pure luck, as happens in war.   Um, Jon, who was BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE, shouldn’t survive anything by just “dumb luck,” because he’s not just some random character!  He’s Jon-fucking-Stark-Targaryen and he needs to be special.  Again, so pissed he’s the same.  It remains the biggest fucking let down.  Maybe the showrunners were lying because they couldn’t outright say that Jon is indeed the Prince that was Promised to keep a surprise reveal in their back pocket?  Please let this be the case.

Here’s a gaping logic hole, why does Wun Wun NOT have a weapon?

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Wun Wun, “Nah, I’m good being the biggest target with absolutely no weapons or armor.”

When they surround Jon’s men, why didn’t Wun Wun just grab a few of those long spears and knock them all out?  I think he did, but why not keep doing it?

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Gorgeous shot.

Or do more of this?

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Just KEEP DOING THAT!

Or why doesn’t he have a fucking tree???   Remember this?

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Is there not one goddam tree in Winterfell???

Or hows about do some of this???

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Just do anything except nothing!!

Or why can’t he just move that big pile of bodies behind them so they’re not trapped???

Worst, most illogical, use of a giant in battle EVER.

People have been asking “where’s Ghost?”  I was too, but I can’t bear another direwolf getting killed, so I’m overlooking that.  However, I guess that actually was Rickon’s direwolf which I hoped against hope wasn’t.  UGH.

I was also hoping the Umbers would turn against Ramsey, since in the books the Umbers were fiercely loyal to the Starks. That didn’t happen, so it was nice to see Tormund kill traitor Smalljon Umber, by, I think, biting out the artery in his neck?  Anyway,  Tormund couldn’t die because this HAS to happen.

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Get that warrior flower Tormund!!

Here come the predictable Knights of the Vale, arriving in classic Helm’s Deep fashion.  How did Sansa know they would show up in time?  She was sitting next to Littlefinger like she snuck off and met him, like she knew when they would arrive.  Why else is she positioned like that next to him?  We didn’t get any surprised look of relief when they finally showed up, so it’s clear she knew they were coming, which again, WHY DIDN’T SHE TELL JON!?!

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Jon:  YOU THINK MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN ABOUT THIS???

How did she know they’d arrive JUST IN TIME to save Jon AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE?   The fact she didn’t tell him drives me crazy.  Jon could have DIED, not to mention a lot of lives could have been saved knowing this information.  Hundreds of men were killed because for some inexplicable reason Sansa didn’t say, “Hey I sent a raven to the Knights of the Vale, so maybe we should wait a couple of hours?”

Wun Wun knocks down the door, doesn’t think to use it to shield himself, and so gets hit with a bunch of arrows.  Is he the last giant?  It’s sad if that race has just died out.

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NOT holding the door!!

Here’s Jon staring at Wun Wun, NOT paying attention to Ramsey, when Ramsey sends an arrow through WW’s eye (instead of shooting Jon who’s not paying attention) and kills him, you know, just in case Ramsey’s one-note of evil wasn’t clear.

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Sorry Wun Wun, we don’t have enough CGI budget for you anymore.

Jon charges, and Ramsey doesn’t think to shoot him in the knees.

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At least 1 of the 62 Mormont guys died.

Then the punch fest begins.

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Face meat.


NOW WE KNOW WHO LET THE DOGS OUT. YES I WENT THERE. I’LL SEE MYSELF OUT

Apparently they put the passed-out Ramsey in the kennel, opened the kennel doors of these ferocious, 7-day starving dogs, then told them to “Stay until Sansa finishes her speech.”

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Good boy!!

I’m glad Sansa got her revenge, but Ramsey’s death, I don’t know, felt somehow hollow.   I never saw the terror, the fear of death that he instilled in so many of his victims.  I wanted him to suffer more, I wanted to see him terrified for more than a second or two.

You know what I would have really liked?  If Ramsey said that his dogs won’t attack him because they obey him.  Then Sansa says, “It’s not your dog.”  THEN Shaggydog comes out and kills him!  Just something unpredictable would have been nice.

I’m disappointed in this Battle of the Bastards story-wise, and how it ended, because this is not in the books, this is all new territory, and the showrunners could have done whatever they wanted, and usually they’re great at surprising us.  Even big moments from the books we knew would happen, like the Red Wedding and the fight between The Mountain and the Red Viper, they managed to make exciting and stressful.   So I’m just surprised how this non-book battle was so predictable and really unsatisfying.  That’s why a nice surprise like Shaggydog, or ANYTHING,  should have happened.

Sansa drops the mic.

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Suck on THAT you piece of shit.

The direwolf banners unfurl, and Starks rule Winterfell once again.   *sniff*

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Quickly retrieved from storage.

Now, does Sansa owe Littlefinger?  I say no.  I think he’s paying HER back from handing her over to Ramsey.  I call it even.  I certainly hope Sansa doesn’t think she owes him, or anybody, shit.  I hope she’s done with having to be with men she doesn’t want to because of bullshit tradition, tradition that’s clearly going out the window.  If she does think she owes Littlefinger, I’ll fucking lose my mind.  Sansa at least has a blood connection with Weirdo Robin (let’s hope that marriage idea isn’t brought up), what does Littlefinger have?  His power has really been blown out of proportion.  He has no blood claim to anything.  How long can he last in this story?

End note:  Is anyone going to ask Melisandre to bring Rickon back to life?

Ratings
:

Directing: 10/10
Daenerys and Yara:  10/10
Overall Story: 7.0/10 (A little generous, but Meereen keeps it from being in the 6’s)

NEXT WEEK “THE WINDS OF WINTER”

– We have the big trial in the Great Sept of Baelor.  Will Cersei unleash the wildfire?  Who will die?  The High sparrow, who we STILL don’t know what his end game is?  Tommen?  Let’s hope so.  Gay Loras?  What about Margaery?  I’m sure she has a plan, but it better be getting the fuck out of King’s Landing before the wildfire comes, which she has no idea about.  What role does she and the Tyrells have yet to play?   Hopefully she’s been fucking the shit out of Tommen (ew) and at least is pregnant.
– Will Jaime arrive and stop Cersei in time before she goes crazy with the wildfire?  Will he kill her, but not until after she’s already killed Tommen?   Will he be there at all?
– What’s Bran up to?  Will the White Walkers move past the wall?  When that happens, does ALL OF THE DEAD EVERYWHERE rise?  That would be cool!
– Speaking of Bran, we need the conclusion to the Tower of Joy.  NEED IT.
– Will Davos kill Melisandre? I don’t think so, but I think they will send her away, and I think next season she will run into Arya.  Remember last time they met at the Brotherhood without Banners, Melisandre told Arya they will meet again?

THEN IT’S OVER FOR ANOTHER YEAR AND I’M ALREADY DEVASTATED!!!!

Until next week:

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Game of Thrones S6:E8 “No One”

Game of Thrones S6:E8 “No One”

This episode sucked.

Except for The Hound.

Otherwise it sucked.  It should have been titled “Jack Shit,”  because that’s what happened.

There were maybe a few decent moments, MAYBE, but overall it’s the worst episode of the season, if not over a few seasons.  So much time wasted with scenes that didn’t, or barely, move the story forward.

HOW ARE A GIRL’S MULTIPLE STAB WOUNDS IN THE GUT NOT THAT BAD?

They open this episode on a close up of Lady Crane’s face doing her (albeit amazing) acting.  We open EPISODE EIGHT OUT OF TEN EPISODES on a peripheral character who is clearly going to die.  Why??

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You’re talented Lady Crane, but you’re just a bad device in a lame storyline.

Lady C took Arya’s advice and changed her lines for more drama, and we see cutaways of how moved the audience is.

WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THIS??

There’s fucking White Walkers out there and they waste about a minute and forty-five seconds on this shit?  Yes, I timed it because I wanted to know how much of my life was wasted with that unnecessary crap.

After over TWO minutes wasted, there’s Arya hiding with her MULTIPLE ABDOMINAL STAB WOUNDS.

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“I’m just going to assume you’re not the Waif in disguise.  I trust you, woman I don’t really know who is basically a stranger.”

Oh what fortune!  Lady Crane just happens to be some wizard trauma nurse who knows how to fix her because she liked bad men and then stabbed them or something.  Apparently a good ol’ Ace bandage fixes MULTIPLE ABDOMINAL STAB WOUNDS right up!

Did I miss Lady Crane performing emergency surgery to stop all the internal bleeding that would absolutely be happening inside Arya’s abdomen?  Not to mention, did I miss Lady Crane also discovering penicillin because of all the infection Arya would have, especially after falling into that nasty-ass water where you know people piss and shit in daily?

Then, with the city’s most deadly assassin after her, with Arya hiding in a place that would be the Waif’s first guess, Arya agrees to drink milk of the poppy which would totally knock her out and put her in an even more dangerous position?  You know, like be killed in her sleep??  “Oh wellz!  Glug glug glug!”

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I hope The Waif doesn’t find me while I’m dead asleep!  Bottoms up!

AND WHERE THE FUCK IS NEEDLE THIS WHOLE TIME??  The most deadly assassin is after her, the Westerosi version of the T-1000, and she doesn’t have Needle?

I’ll finish this ridiculous story later.

THANK GOD FOR THE HOUND IN THIS OTHERWISE SHITTY EPISODE

I laughed with glee as The Hound decapitated that douchebag and chopped up the rest. That probably makes me a bad person, but I don’t care.  This is one of the few good moments.

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The Hound bein’ The Hound.

I like that The Hound is still The Hound, but now he’s using his The Hound powers for good.

My guess is that he’ll be reunited with both Sansa and Arya and fight for/with them. Which would make me very happy.

WHY IS VARYS LEAVING NOW?

The Red Witches are spreading the good news about Daenerys,  and everything seems to be going well after Tyrion’s pact with the slavers, so of course it will go completely to shit before the episode is out.

Varys is leaving to drum up support and ships in Westeros.  Is that all he’s doing?  Does he have an ulterior motive?  Is it weird that he leaves RIGHT BEFORE the attack?  Who will he go to for help?  Will he go to Euron not knowing how crazy he is and mistakenly bring him to Dany?   Or Littlefinger, because who else has anything to offer?  He’s certainly not going to the Lannisters.  The Tyrells?  Dorne?  God, please kill me if that happens.

Am I the only one who thought the goodbye between Varys and Tyrion felt like a forever goodbye?

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This feels like goodbye forever, and I don’t like it one bit.

If Varys dies on this “expedition” of his, I’ll be pissed.

CERSEI’S BECOMING AN EVEN WORSE/MORE AWESOME CERSEI 

Vengeful, violent Cersei is the Cersei we look forward to hating, but didn’t we already know she was like that?  Then cousin Lancel-not shows up with this Faith bros.

Ok, the Mountain pulls off a head AND spine.  Classic Mountain.

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Clang!  Yoink!

But we didn’t need any of this.  We all know that Cersei “chooses violence.”  This scene could have been done last week, or not at all, and it seems this was done purely for the head-ripping Mountain moment, which really wasn’t as great as it could have been.

This scene gave us no new information.

Also, you knew when Cersei was absolutely counting on a trial by combat, that trial by combat would never come about.

“I choose violence.”

Yeah. Tell us something we don’t know.

RIVERRUN TURNS OUT TO BE ONE BIG CIRCLE JERK WITH NO MONEY SHOT 

Bronn and Pod scene.  Not really funny and a waste of time.  Zero to do with moving the story forward.  Ugh.

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At least he didn’t shove a finger in his ass.  That’s a low bar.

Brienne and Jaime seeing each other again was nice, I guess.  I’m not shipping these two, but we see a glimpse of the man Jaime wants to be when he’s with Brienne. He wants to be the person she knows he can be, and he likes her version of himself better than Cersei’s version of him.   When he says “I’m a Lannister, don’t ask me to betray my own house.”  He’s not sure of this at all.

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You complete me.

Brienne says if it comes to a fight, she’s honor-bound to fight him.

SPOILERS:  Jack shit of any of this happens.

I still don’t get sending Brienne to talk to The Blackfish, who doesn’t know her from Adam, except to SOLELY make this little reunion between Brienne and Jaime happen.  The Blackfish says no, he’s not going to help Sansa.  Of course he is, what else is he going to do?  Give up his home that he fought for and just hand it over, and give Jaime the keys and alarm code?

Oh, wait!  That’s exactly what fucking happened except it’s done in the lamest way possible.

UNCLE KEVAN AND PROBABLY ALL OF KING’S LANDING AREN’T LONG FOR THIS WORLD

So Uncle Kevan, the John Mahoney of King’s Landing and for some reason still in this show, sends Cersei to the peanut gallery as wuss Tommen declares that there will be no more trials by combat.

Who didn’t see this coming?  So Loras and Cersei will stand trial.

Wait.  Didn’t Cersei do her walk of atonement?  So why is she still standing trial?  How does this High Sparrow/Faith of the Seven law work?  Why would Tommen fuck his own mother over?  The ONLY person in this world who will 100% do anything to protect him?  Why would he embarrass her like that and basically guarantee she goes to prison, or  possibly be executed?  Also, when is it going to come out to the High Sparrow that Tommen is a child of incest and not the true heir to the crown?  He MUST know this already.  Right?

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Mom’s gonna be so mad at me.

Again, the High Sparrow better have some bigger, badder, super fucking awesome hidden plan.  If he’s just a face-value, overly-sincere religious leader, who only wants people to be right, just and holy, that will really send me over the edge.  He better be fucking Howland Reed!  Or SOMEONE!

The “old rumor” Qyburn was talking about to Cersei was the rumor that the Mad King had stores of wildfire hidden all over King’s Landing.  Apparently there’s “More, much more.”

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You’re gonna shit your pants when you find out how much wildfire there is.  

This goes to Bran’s vision.

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The future. 

And possibly this moment.

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Some shit definitely went down here.

Also, a reminder of the prophecy that was told to Cersei when she was a girl: “Gold shall be their crowns and gold their shrouds (her children). And when your tears have drowned you, the valonqar shall wrap his hands about your pale, white throat and choke the life from you.”

“Valonqar” is the High Valyrian word for “little brother.”  All her life, Cersei thought it was Tyrion who would kill her, which explains her hatred for him.  But it’s Jaime, who was born after her.  Cersei is the older twin.

I think Cersei’s at the point where she feels she’s lost Tommen, and the trial will put her in the Black Cells, or worse.  Since the prophecy said all her children would die anyway, she might as well get it over with, save herself and kill her enemies in the process.  And her enemies are the entire population of King’s Landing after the hatred they showed her during her walk of atonement.

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I will destroy all you sons of bitches.

She will either just be beginning to deploy the wildfire, or be somewhere in the middle of destroying King’s Landing, when Jaime shows up and is forced to make the same decision when he killed the Mad King.  He must kill the person who’s determined to destroy all of the city with wildfire and “burn them all.”

Jaime will kill Cersei.

Will he commit suicide after?  ALA Romeo and Juliet?  These two were definitely star-crossed lovers.  Their love for each other set off this entire chain of events.  Their unwavering connection and need to be with each other, can one live if the other dies?

Or will Jaime kill Cersei and then team up with Brienne?  The woman who sees the good in him as no one else ever has?   Will he marry Brienne?  Would she marry him after all he’s done?  Or will Jaime go to find Tyrion, the last living primary Lannister and the brother he loves, and he sees those dragons, and joins them.

ANYHOO, this “no trial by combat” scene could have been condensed into last week, when Tommen declared himself loyal to the High Sparrow on the stairs, and then Qyburn could have done his whispering there.

Question:  Where’s hot Margaery in all this?  What’s her, and Lady Olenna’s, plan?

A REPEAT OF AN EARLIER SCENE, MORE WASTE OF TIME

Why am I watching this repeat scene with Tyrion, Grey Worm and Missandei AGAIN?   What does this have to do with anything except waste our time?

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I don’t even have a clever thing to say for this.  REPEAT SCENE!

Also, Tyrion gave the slavers seven years to phase out slavery, so WHY ARE THEY ATTACKING??  And why NOW?  Also, they all know Daenerys has dragons that could destroy their wooden ships in two minutes, making this attack even more illogical.  And if it’s not the slavers, who are they?

Oh, and did NO ONE see ALL THOSE SHIPS coming?  Did they not have ONE LOOKOUT?  Grey Worm is the shittiest commander ever.

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They totally snuck up on us!!

NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE!!

Speaking of making no sense, after Daenerys’ somewhat laughable entrance, WHY DID DROGON FLY OFF instead of destroying the ships??  And where the fuck are the other two dragons??  Why aren’t they ALL burning the ships??

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I’m a major star character and I don’t have any lines.

A lame prediction, instead of an awesome three dragons burning the ships scene, will Yara and Theon show up to save them?   Do they have enough ships?

(Note:  I searched for that sigil on the sail, but couldn’t find it.  Certainly it can’t be Euron?)

This whole scene had no logic, was a repeat scene, and mostly sucked.

UGH.  NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT EDMURE!  

We have this whole conversation between Edmure and Jaime where Jaime said NOTHING we haven’t heard before.  He’s only doing this Riverrun thing to get back to Cersei – YEAH, WE FUCKING KNOW ALREADY.

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No human living or dead gives a shit about Edmure Tully.

I don’t give a shit if Edmure hasn’t seen his wife or his son. I don’t give a shit if he gets Riverrun back or not.  I don’t give a shit if he lives or dies.  This whole scene is terrible.

Edmure goes to the drawbridge and orders them to lower it since he’s officially the Lord of Riverrun.  The Blackfish, wisely, says no, but SUDDENLY they ONLY obey Edmure?  Why didn’t them seem to give a shit when the Tully’s threatened to hang him?  They sure as hell obeyed The Blackfish then.  Then Edmure hands it over like the bitch he is, presumably to be able to see his wife and son WHO I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT, WHO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY STORY WHATSOEVER, AND WHO WE WILL NEVER SEE, EVER.

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Open the drawbridge so I can make this shitty Riverrun story even shittier!!

Then The Blackfish, who was this big badass, refuses to help his kin but INSTEAD just goes and gets himself killed in the most anticlimactic way possible, AND off camera?  I mean, if he can’t save his home, at the very least he can leave with Jaime and Pod to help Sansa fight for his family name and blood?  What a disappointing fizzle out by The Blackfish.

If he’s really dead, of course.  It’s possible Edmure let his Uncle escape and had them lie to Jaime about it.

So all of this Riverrun story was apparently a lame device ONLY to get Brienne and Jaime have their little reunion, and their little wave at the end.

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I’d probably have sex with you.
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I’d probably let you. 

Riverrun:  The ultimate circle jerk that resulted in a big ZERO.

OH THANK GOD IT’S THE HOUND AGAIN!!

And that awesome bastard Beric Dondarrion.

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Beric and the Dondarrions

“Drop that arrow you bloody girl.  Tougher girls than you tried to kill me.” LITERALLY!

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The Hound is SUCH The Hound.

This is all great.  I love the idea of Sandor joining Beric and his motley crew.  He’ll end up with Sansa and Arya AND Brienne yet!

APPARENTLY A GIRL CAN HEAL FROM DEADLY ABDOMEN WOUNDS IN A FEW HOURS

The Waif just HAPPENS to show up AFTER Arya has had a lovely night’s sleep.  She kills Lady Crane, obvs.  Then Arya, with horrible abdominal wounds, does a leap off the balcony and is magically uninjured.

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This is the second jump where she’s totally fine!

Then the chase with the Waif T-1000 begins.

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She has multiple abdominal stab wounds. This should be easy for Waif T-1000.

Then Arya  proceeds to parkour all over town, oddly running into what can only be a steamy gay bathhouse, she SLIDES ON HER STOMACH under a food cart, and now she’s bleeding horribly again, but whatever, then she heads to her secret hideout where she’s hidden Needle.

Then she cuts the candle SO WE CAN’T SEE THE FIGHT WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR!

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Why would anyone want to see this fight?

So basically Arya sashayed around town in the last episode with no Needle, out in the open, loud and brash, like a fucking idiot?  Then got surprise stabbed?  After all that training and with an assassin looking for her?

-Then she HAPPENS to survive the MANY stab wounds?
-Lady Crane HAPPENS to know about healing deep gut stabs?
-Arya falls dead asleep and it HAPPENS that the Waif didn’t come to the ONE PLACE she knew Arya would go while she’s sleeping?
-Arya HAPPENS to be able to jump out of a window with no injury?
-Arya, with her multiple stab wounds, HAPPENS to be able to outrun the non-injured Waif?
-Arya HAPPENS to be able to miraculously get to her hideout and get Needle?
-Then injured Arya HAPPENS to be able to kill the Waif, who I assume must have gone through the same training as Arya and had to be blind for a while also?

She puts the Waif’s face on the wall, then Jaqen’s all, “Finally, a girl is no one.”  How can he say this?  Is he that bad at his job that he’s the ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THAT?  No one else ever, ever, ever thought Arya wouldn’t be Arya in the end, and wasn’t Arya the whole time.

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What just happened anyway?

Is she no one?  Is she a faceless man?  Jaqen said so.  Can she be faceless AND Arya?

Then she’s all, “A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell, and I’m going home.”   Oh, and Arya seems completely and magically healed now.  And she just gets to leave?

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Sure you can leave.  Or not.  Or whatever.  I don’t know the rules.

I love this show, but the whole Arya thing was terribly written.  We didn’t even learn how the Many-Faced God fits into all this.  Was this part of Jaqen’s plan the whole time?

Ugh.

PREVIEWS

-Next week we get the Battle of the Bastards.  I assume Ramsey will get what’s coming to him.
-Jon says to Melissandre, “If I fall, don’t bring me back.” Oh, and where’s she been this whole time?
-We all know Jon’s not going to “fall.”  But he better get over his emo, man-bun constipation and turn into SOMEONE, like the fucking Prince that was Promised with fire coming out of his asshole.
– If they don’t take Winterfell, that will be bullshit.
-People who better not die.  Wun Wun, Davos, Tormund, Melissandre, Jon, Sansa.

Rating:

The Hound 10/10
The Rest 4.5/10 (and that’s being generous)

Game of Thrones S6:E7 “The Broken Man”

Game of Thrones S6:E7 “The Broken Man”

Let me start by saying that if we gave Lady Lyanna Mormont three dragons, she’d probably take an hour to conquer the Iron Throne, then spend the next hour killing all the White Walkers, and we’d have two, maybe three episodes tops.  She’s the BEST!!  I need her and Arya to be BFF’S before this is all over.

WHEW!!  After last week’s episode, I can actually breathe a little bit with this one.  It’s much more straightforward and slower than last week’s episode, but a lot of things happened.  This was another final placing of the chess pieces to set up the last three episodes.

SPOILERS!!

I’ve said many times “pics or it didn’t happen.”

SEND IN THE (CL)HOUND(S)

YAY!!!

HELLO THE HOUND!!  Hi Sandor! Mr. Clegane!!  It’s me!!  Over here!!  I’m waving to you through the TV!!!

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I’M STILL WAVING!!!  WE MISSED YOU SANDOR!!

I’ll be honest, I didn’t hear a word of conversation because I was too busy  1) gazing upon the return of The Hound and 2) delighting in seeing Ian McShane as septon Ray Meribald.

Brother Ray found Sandor near death and saved him.  I’m a little confused as to how he was able to set that nasty bone and cure all the advanced infection, but I’ll take my Hound any way I can get him!

I love how he readily admitted he was brought down by one person, a woman.  You know he has tremendous respect for Brienne.  This is a changed Hound.  He’s certainly become  more introspective.  I like it, but I don’t want him to change TOO much.

Also, you know whenever there’s a group of peaceful, happy people, bad shit will happen to them.

KING’S LAME-DING

Ok.  I get it.  Seriously.  The chess pieces have to be set, but this High Sparrow stuff has become more than a little repetitive.  However, that doesn’t take away from how great Natalie Dormer is at playing Margaery who’s playing the High Sparrow better than the High Sparrow thinks he’s playing her.

No one beats Margaery at the long manipulation game.  No one.

The High Sparrow tells her that he’s heard she’s not putting out in the martial boudoir.  “Congress does not require desire on a woman’s part, only patience,” which Margaery knows better than anyone.  Also, can we just take a moment to acknowledge this means that Tommen has been crying to the High Sparrow about not getting any?   What a whiny bitch!

On that note, I’m confused as to why Margaery is NOT having sex with Tommen.  Margaery certainly has never minded using sex to serve her purposes.  She isn’t some weak, fainting romantic.  So I’d think that getting pregnant with the current king’s baby would be a good way to solidify her position?   I’m curious for others’ thoughts on this.

And then he threatens her Grandmother.  No, High Sparrow, not a good idea.

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THE WALL

Jon is still boring, man bun, blah Jon.

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“SNOW.”  And scene.

He has to rally the Wildlings, and it’s pretty easy to make clear to them that if Ramsey runs the North, they aren’t safe.

Jon does a relatively bland job when finally Tormund steps in and says, “He died for us!!”  And their expressions are all, “Shit.  How can we compete with that??  FINE.”

Thank goodness for Tormund and Ser Davos, because Jon is so boring these days I doze off whenever he speaks.

So far it’s a really shitty waste of a resurrection.

LADY OLENNA AND CERSEI

Oh get a room already you two!!

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I wonder if you’re the worst person I’ve ever met.

Cersei truly knows she’s responsible for messing everything up.  I think she’s sincere when she tries a last-ditch effort to befriend and enlist Lady O and maybe do what I think she’s about to do in a, how shall I say, a “less violent” way.

But Lady O isn’t having any of it.

NOTE:  During this entire scene Lady Olenna looks like she’s writing notes for ravens.  Who is she writing to?  Remember the last time we had a scene where a person was writing mysterious notes the whole time?  That would be Lord Tywin back in season 3, when he was writing the letters that resulted in the Red Wedding.  I don’t think Lady Olenna is writing down her shopping list.

Lady O goes on to say, “The people despise you,  you’re surrounded by enemies, thousands of them.  You going to kill them all by yourself?”

YES.  As a matter of fact, YES,  that is EXACTLY what I think Cersei is going to do.  I think Cersei is going to try to kill the High Sparrow and the Faith Militant with wildfire.

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All right then.  Wildfire it is.

I’m glad Lady Olenna is getting out of King’s Landing, but I hope this isn’t the last we see of her, because Diana Rigg crushes every scene she’s in.

Going forward, I still can’t see what role Cersei or Jaime plays in the war with the White Walkers.  Heck, or even the Iron Throne.  The Lannisters are weak.  They are really nothing without Lord Tywin, or even without the much-needed wisdom of Tyrion.   What role do the Tyrell’s have to play in the great war to come?

Have any of them heard about what’s beyond The Wall?  Has the High Sparrow?  And who the hell IS HE?????

RIVERRUN AND THE AWESOME, CRUSTY BLACKFISH

The scenery in this episode really wins, even if it is CGI.

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Brothers from another mother. As long as the one brother continues to pay the other brother.

Bronn’s back and ready to snark.  Also, the detail on Jaime’s armor is gorgeous.

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I’m wearing the Tom Ford of armor.

The Frey sons are useless, because they know it’s futile to try to get The Blackfish to surrender, they said as much to their delusional father, so they aren’t really into it.

Also, it’s clear no one gives a shit about Edmure Tully, especially his uncle The Blackfish.

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Edmure is a twat.
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I may be a twat, but I’m on Outlander!!!

It’s nice to get Jaime outside King’s Landing and in his more natural state as a soldier out in the field, but if Bronn wasn’t there he’d be pretty lame.  Where’s the Jaime who was held prisoner by Rob?  Where’s the Jaime who travelled with Brienne?

Jaime as a character just hasn’t been up to snuff for a long time.  The Blackfish says he’s disappointed in Jaime.

Yeah Mr. Blackfish, I know what you mean.

THE BADASS BABY BEAR MORMONT

First of all, Bear Island is like a Bob Ross painting.  Great CGI again!

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And here’s a happy little waterfall…

As I said above, just give Lady Lyanna Mormont the Iron Throne and be done with it.

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Actress Bella Ramsey, with no acting credits to her name, just became a star!!  You go girl!

I can’t get enough of Lady Mormont, Jorah’s cousin, and I love how she casually wonders if Sansa is a Lannister or a Ramsey, reminding us all in one sentence the shit Sansa’s been through with two horrible families.

Jon and Sansa are completely bumbling this meeting and thankfully Ser Davos steps in and helps.  He’s had some experience with talking plainly to 11-year-old princesses.   Straightforward, honest, no condescending.

Ser Davos,  “The real war isn’t between a few squabbling houses.  It’s between the living and the dead.  Make no mistake my lady, the dead are coming.”

Is this the first House Mormont has heard of the White Walkers?  I can’t imagine it is since Jeor Mormont was the Lord Commander of Castle Black, but I can’t remember.

Were ravens sent out telling everyone of the White Walkers?  Or was that for the impending Wildling attack?  I know Stannis got one and responded.  Did everyone else, Lannnisters, Tyrell’s, etc. get one but just ignore it?  And did it mention the Wildlings and/or the White Walkers?

Also, Davos mentions the “Night King.”  This is the first time, I think, that I’ve heard anyone mention him by name.  How does he know that’s his name??

I’m a little pissed that they’re making Sansa look weak throughout this entire episode.  It gets even worse in the next scene with Lord Glover.  SPEAK UP!! BE STRONG!!  She’s letting people run over her again and I don’t like it.

So they leave Bear Island with 62 men.  When Baby Bear said “62,” I thought that 62 was the funniest number I ever heard.

Long live Lady Mormont!

VOLANTIS

I see Yara and I have the same taste in women.  FINALLY some slight lesbian action.  Thanks for the crumb!!

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Use a dental dam!  You don’t know where she’s been!

I like this scene between these two.  Yara’s not going win any “nurturer of the year” awards, but she needs “The real Theon Greyjoy, not this rat shit (wretched?) pretender.” Though I’m not exactly sure WHY she needs Theon, she seems to do just fine without him.  But, I guess he’s her baby brother, and he’s all the family she’s got, and she trusts and loves him.

Her plan, “We’re gonna sail to Meereen, we’re going to make a pact with this dragon queen, and we’re gonna take back the Iron Islands.”

It’s actually a smart plan, to get to Daenerys first, but here’s the problem with this plan.   It’s not going to work. As much as I can dream of a Daenerys/Yara hot hook up, we know this will never happen.  They don’t have enough ships, and Dany in her new “I take what is mine” state of mind, couldn’t give two shits about helping them get back the Iron Islands.  If anything, she will take them for herself.

Yara and Theon don’t have enough to win over Dany.  They don’t have enough ships, and they’re not a crazy conquerer like Euron.  Dany is a conquerer, and she needs a thousand ships.  Euron has both of these, or he will.

However, I would love to see Theon meet up with Varys and Tyrion.  Maybe Varys can give Theon some advice on how to get through life without his driftwood and conch shells.

I wonder what Yara and Theon’s role is in this story going forward?  I hope they make it to the end, and I hope Theon gets a big victory for himself.  He’s long since learned his lesson.  It’s certainly possible that Yara and/or Theon die in Meereen, or maybe they head to Eastwich-by-the-Sea,  the sea port of the Night’s Watch, and somehow help there.

I have a feeling that, at minimum, Yara isn’t going to make it out of this season.

“Now, since it’s my last night at shore for a long while, I’m gonna go fuck the tits off this one.”  Classic Yara!!  What are the Westeros dildos like?  Are there special ones made out of Valyrian steel?

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“Gently forged from Valyrian steel.  For her pleasure.

Don’t get HPV Yara!!

CAMP CLUSTERFUCK

Jon and Davos must know that they only get one shot at defeating Ramsey.  ONE.  And  with their ragtag group of men who won’t even fight for each other, there’s no way they can win.  How can they not know that?

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Rejected by the House of Danny Glover.

AND, I still haven’t heard a good reason why Sansa didn’t tell Jon about meeting Littlefinger and that he has the Knights of the Vale.  WHY?

She and Jon argue that they need more men. The thing is, she’s right, and I assume her raven is for Littlefinger.  I HOPE the Knights of the Vale show up to help them in grand fashion, a battle which I think happens next episode.  I want Sansa to be right about this.  And then I think someone should kill Littlefinger.  What part does he have to play going forward?  If he’s dead,  no one has to worry about his scheming and backstabbing any more.

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Love ya Aiden Gillen, but I think it’s time to go.  What cards do you have left?

BRAAVOS:  A GIRL IS A FUCKING IDIOT.  OR IS SHE?

I had to watch this scene a few times and think about it because something doesn’t feel right.

Love this shot.

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He’s not wearing underwear and when you look up you see a GIANT set of iron balls.

When we left Arya last, she had Needle and was hunkering down and WAITING for the inevitable confrontation with The Waif.

But now we see her out and about, not cautious, brash, and I’ve never seen her in that outfit before.

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Curiously easy target.

And one big thing – WHERE’S NEEDLE???  Knowing The Waif could kill her at any moment, she’d have Needle with her.

Then she didn’t see this coming???

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My ovaries!!

First, I’m not sure if this is Arya, but that is definitely the Waif.  If you recall, Jaqen told The Waif to not make Arya suffer.  Getting stabbed in the stomach is a VERY slow, very painful death.  The Waif did this in direct disobedience to Jaqen.

If this is Arya, she won’t die, and she’ll kill the Waif first, and her face will be added to the Hall, not Arya’s.  Jaqen will heal her wounds, and she will become a Faceless Man, but she’ll still head back home.  Or she won’t become a Faceless Man. Maybe all this is a final test for Arya, The Waif, or both of them.

Jaqen wouldn’t have given Arya that coin from Braavos for nothing way back when.

I know Arya’s not going to die, if that is Arya.

But SOMETHING is certainly fishy.

RELEASE THE HOUND

Welp.  We knew this was going to happen.

The Hound isn’t surprised this happened either.  He knows what world he lives in.

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No happy people allowed.

The guys who did this are supposedly members of the Brotherhood Without Banners, Beric Dondarrion’s group, who were sort of a rag tag Robin Hood bunch.  They weren’t people who just went around slaughtering innocents.  Beric wouldn’t allow that shit.

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Brotherhood Who Are Assholes

So are they really members of the BWB?   If not, who are they?  If they are, this might mean that Beric Dondarrion is dead and they have gone wild without his leadership.  If Beric D is dead, this means that maybe he gave his last life to someone else, and then Thoros of Myr raised “her” from the dead.  Who might be Lady Stoneheart.

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Right about the return of The Hound, but wrong about Ian McShane being a one off!!

Brother Ray, “Violence is a disease, you don’t cure a disease by spreading it to more people.”  The Hound, “You don’t cure it by dying either.”  The Hound almost died, I don’t think he’s ready to do it again anytime soon.

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There’s a new Hound in town.

Rating:

7.9/10

THOUGHTS WITH NO SPOILERS

Riverrun:
– Jaime and Brienne will meet again and I’m excited and nervous about it.
– I wonder when Brienne and Pod leave Riverrun if they run into Lady Stoneheart, and she gives them a certain sword.
– I wonder if they run into the Hound, but now that the Hound is fighting on the good side, maybe he joins them.  OH PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN!
– Also, the Hound would love to see Sansa again.  LET THIS HAPPEN TOO!!
– AND – PLEASE LET ARYA AND THE HOUND REUNITE!!!
– Will the return of the Hound mean a Cleganebowl?  Will the Hound finally get revenge on this brother?  There’s a lot of talk about that going around, but I can’t see the Hound returning to King’s Landing.  Unless they capture him around Riverrun and take him back as a prisoner and traitor.

BORING JON

That mofo needs to change.  There’s much talk about Jon being Azor Ahai, the Lord of Light, the Prince that was Promised.  Maybe Brienne gets the sword Lightbringer from Lady Stoneheart, then she gives it to Jon, then maybe he FINALLY changes?

LANNISTERS

Jaime tried, in unspectacular fashion, to get The Blackfish to surrender.  I think he ACTUALLY thought he would get him to surrender.  So now what?  What did Jaime think was going to happen?  That The Blackfish was just going to surrender the home of his birth, leave quietly and then everyone would go back to being just fine and Jaime could go back to fucking Cersei and that would be it?

What does Jaime want?  I don’t think he knows.  He certainly wouldn’t want to burn everyone with wildfire, because HE’S BEEN THERE DONE THAT with the Mad King.
If Cersei tries to use wildfire, will Jaime have to kill her?  Like he did the Mad King?

OH MY GOD NOW THAT I SAID IT OUT LOUD.  YES! HE HAS TO KILL HIS OWN SISTER, HIS TWIN, THE ONLY LOVE OF HIS LIFE.  FULL FUCKED UP CIRCLE FOR JAIME!! OH SHIT!!!
Because how else, and what better way, for Cersei to die??  Where does Cersei go from here anyway?

This WHOLE THING started because of their incest, then pushing Bran off the tower for seeing it.

The only reason she has to live is for Tommen and Jaime.  It would be the best way for her to die, at the hand of Jaime.

I’M SO INTO THIS IDEA!!!

PREVIEWS

-Cersei chooses violence.  That’s the best kind of Cersei.
-We see The Waif.  But how can Arya chase her if she’s stabbed like that?  Is Jaqen disguised as someone??
– Hound just being the hound!!
– We get a shot of Tryion.  I presume Daernerys has retired.  This will be interesting because it’s a very different Dany now, and I wonder what Varys and Tyrion will think of this new “conquerer.”
– Also, can we release the other 2 dragons already???
– It looks like the Mountain rips off a head.  So that should be fun.

SEPTON MERIBALD’S  (Ian McShane) BROKEN MAN SPEECH
-from A Feast for Crows

“Ser? My lady?” said Podrick. “Is a broken man an outlaw?”

“More or less,” Brienne answered.

Septon Meribald disagreed. “More less than more. There are many sorts of outlaws, just as there are many sorts of birds. A sandpiper and a sea eagle both have wings, but they are not the same. The singers love to sing of good men forced to go outside the law to fight some wicked lord, but most outlaws are more like this ravening Hound than they are the lightning lord. They are evil men, driven by greed, soured by malice, despising the gods and caring only for themselves. Broken men are more deserving of our pity, though they may be just as dangerous. Almost all are common-born, simple folk who had never been more than a mile from the house where they were born until the day some lord came round to take them off to war. Poorly shod and poorly clad, they march away beneath his banners, ofttimes with no better arms than a sickle or a sharpened hoe, or a maul they made themselves by lashing a stone to a stick with strips of hide. Brothers march with brothers, sons with fathers, friends with friends. They’ve heard the songs and stories, so they go off with eager hearts, dreaming of the wonders they will see, of the wealth and glory they will win. War seems a fine adventure, the greatest most of them will ever know.

“Then they get a taste of battle.

“For some, that one taste is enough to break them. Others go on for years, until they lose count of all the battles they have fought in, but even a man who has survived a hundred fights can break in his hundred-and-first. Brothers watch their brothers die, fathers lose their sons, friends see their friends trying to hold their entrails in after they’ve been gutted by an axe.

“They see the lord who led them there cut down, and some other lord shouts that they are his now. They take a wound, and when that’s still half-healed they take another. There is never enough to eat, their shoes fall to pieces from the marching, their clothes are torn and rotting, and half of them are shitting in their breeches from drinking bad water.

“If they want new boots or a warmer cloak or maybe a rusted iron halfhelm, they need to take them from a corpse, and before long they are stealing from the living too, from the smallfolk whose lands they’re fighting in, men very like the men they used to be. They slaughter their sheep and steal their chickens, and from there it’s just a short step to carrying off their daughters too. And one day they look around and realize all their friends and kin are gone, that they are fighting beside strangers beneath a banner that they hardly recognize. They don’t know where they are or how to get back home and the lord they’re fighting for does not know their names, yet here he comes, shouting for them to form up, to make a line with their spears and scythes and sharpened hoes, to stand their ground. And the knights come down on them, faceless men clad all in steel, and the iron thunder of their charge seems to fill the world . . .

“And the man breaks.

Game of Thrones S6:E6 “Blood of My Blood”

I felt a BIG theme throughout this episode, that our major characters were “becoming who they are.”  One in particular, I think, will evolve into being very, very dangerous before it’s all over.

“Blood of my Blood” means you can’t overcome who you were destined to be.

SPOILERS!!

I have a lot of questions that popped up as I watched this episode, which is why this review is particularly long.

A big question is what all the Three-eyed Raven knew and what his  full powers were.  Did he know only the past?  It seemed he also knew the future since he waited “a thousand years” for Bran to arrive.  If so, how much of the future did he know?  Could he also travel into the future?  Or just the past?  Will Bran have more/different powers?  It seems he does since he was able to manipulate the past, or could the Three-Eyed Raven do that too but just told Bran “the ink is dry” because he knew from experience that messing with the past can have horrible consequences, as we saw with poor Hodor.

Anyhoo!

MEERA’S PULLING THAT SLED LIKE A MOFO!  

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I think I pulled a hammy!!
I still wonder if Meera and Jon Snow-Targaryen-Stark are twins, and I wonder if her role was always only to protect Bran, her cousin.  It seems weird to me that someone who’s not a blood relative of Bran would risk their lives to such an extent for him, and Jojen lost his in the process.

Questions:

Did/does their father, Howland Reed, know Jojen and Meera went with Bran in the first place?
If he did, does he know Bran is special as well?  If so, who told him?
Or did Meera and Jojen just take off without his knowledge?
Where the hell IS Howland Reed? Is he the High Sparrow??

There’s still a ton of unanswered questions there.

As Bran was being dragged, he was still in his vision-state, getting his download from the Three-eyed Raven.  I wasn’t sure what all the images he saw meant, but on HBOGO, at the end of the episode, the Executive Producers talk about the show.  Apparently Bran was still being downloaded THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, or as much as the Three-eyed Raven could give him before he died.  A few things they chose to show us are significant:

-For the first time, which I was excited to see, we got to glimpse the infamous Mad King, Aerys II Targaryen, Daenerys’ father, yelling, “Burn them all!” (I talk about this significance below.)

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-Jaime killing the Mad King and sitting on the throne.
-The pyromancer’s storehouse and a wildfire explosion. This hasn’t happened yet!!

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Is this in the future????
– Ned’s voice saying where’s my sister, then a bloody hand. I assume he finds his sister dying, bleeding out from childbirth.

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Is it your moonblood time of the month?
-Sadly, he’s sees each of his family members murdered.
– Bran falling from the window, which starts everything. (Can he make this Unhappen?  I hope the showrunners don’t go there.)
– A dragon flying in the mist. (I have a crazy theory. Just maybe? Refer to the section Doom of Valyria below.)

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Dragons in the mist.
– A landscape of only snow as far as the eye can see.  Will winter win?

The wights close in, but I don’t think anyone thought Bran, or even Meera, would die in this scene.  Just as I’m sure many of us predicted that more help would come in the form of long-lost Uncle Benjen Stark, who we haven’t seen since season one.  In the books, there’s a character beyond the wall named Coldhands, and the producers confirmed that Benjen is, in fact, Coldhands, even though GRRM has been vehemently saying Benjen is not Coldhands.

But, alas, here he is! Hi Uncle BJ!!

HOLY SHITBALLS THAT PALACE!!

I knew the Tarly’s of Horn Hill were an old family, they swear fealty to House Tyrell and by extension, House Lannister, and that Sam said they were rich, but HOLY SHIT not THAT rich!

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Dzaaaaauuuhhmm!!
He’s probably got all kinds of ulcers and stomach problems the closer he gets to home and his shitty father.  Sam, “After my father made me renounce my title, and inheritance, and threatened to kill me if I didn’t, a person just doesn’t feel welcome at that point.” Poor Sam!

The plan is to say that Little Sam is Sam’s son, but that he met Gilly “in the North.”  Now, I know they had to get Sam to a certain place by the end of his visit, but honestly, why not say they’re married and pick a SPECIFIC town in the North?  A bit of a writing hiccup for me, because after Sam said his father hates Wildlings with a passion, you knew right away that story wasn’t going to hold up.

Sam meets his Mom, Lady Melessa, and his sister Talla.  I’ll be using “Talla Tarly” as part of any future vocal warm ups.  They are so sweet and warm and welcoming to both Sam and Gilly.  Gilly’s expressions from her shock when Melessa said, “You are lovely!” are fantastic.  Pretty sure she’s never been called lovely before, and certainly not by a highborn woman while standing in a castle courtyard wearing rags.

Also, that boy they have playing Little Sam in that scene is a freakin’ CUTIE PIE!

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Imma eat those cheeks!!!
Since his Mom and sister were SO nice, it was pretty much guaranteed that his father was probably, in contrast, going to be the biggest, most epic asshole ever.  Ever.

KING’S DIANETICS

Tommen and the High Sparrow, the L. Ron Hubbard of King’s Landing,  are talking in the gorgeous set piece of the Sept of Baelor.  The way it was shot from above gave me the impression that the High Sparrow was playing a game that was even too big for him. And he IS playing a game, all of which has certainly not been revealed.

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These gods are too big even for the High Sparrow.  Who are you goddammit!!???
The High Sparrow and Tommen seem very familiar with each other.  The clever High Sparrow is being the warm, loving, nurturing, kind, guiding father figure that Tommen never had and is desperate for.  Someone give that moon-faced kid a hug!!

Finally, Tommen gets to see (hot) Margaery.  At the end of this scene I wrote in my notes, “She’s back!” which goes to my theme of people becoming who they are, or possibly back to who they should have stayed all along.

Margaery is on the cusp of her Walk of Atonement and seems just fine with it. At first during her conversation with Tommen, I couldn’t quite figure out if she was being sincere to Tommen about what she was saying.  Has she really changed that much?  She probably was being truthful when she said,  “I’ve had lots of time to think about how good I was at seeming good.  There were so many lies in those stories.”  That’s true, but it’s not a truth that harms her or incriminates her.  It’s a lovely, benign truth.  It’s also a truth she knows Tommen will like to hear that seems like a deep revelation.  But notice she still didn’t EXACTLY give up gay Loras and say, yes, he likes the D. Lots and lots of the D.

I wasn’t sure where Margaery stood until she said this of the High Sparrow, “He’s not quite what we thought he was is he?”  This is a brilliant line.  This leaves it open for her to make a statement about the High Sparrow, that could easily be taken that she didn’t like him, or that she does likes him, see how Tommen responds, then make her move.

When he responds positively about the High Sparrow, Margaery goes right along with him, and now she knows where Tommen stands and how she can approach him to work her excellent manipulation. And remember, she has something the High Sparrow doesn’t.  It starts with P and ends with USSY – and it’s not Ser Pounce.  (SER POUNCE FOR EVA!)

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Pussies of a feather!!!
Margaery is so good at being Margaery, she even had me fooled.   She’s still who she was and who she’s always been.  This is Margaery at her strongest, a master manipulator who still wants not to be A Queen, but THE Queen.

YES, RANDYLL TARLY IS THE BIGGEST, CRUEL, EPIC ASSHOLE FATHER EVER.  EVER.

Gilly in a dress!!  I didn’t recognize her.  She looks adorable.   However, Sam’s still in his Castle Blacks.  Did he even shower??

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Gilly’s frilly!!
We meet cruel, asshole Randyll Tarly, played so well by veteran actor James Faulkner, who just hates Sam so, SO much.  He hates him because he’s not a fighter, but a reader, can’t hunt, is more of a cunt.  I just want to say to Randyll, “You know, putting people down so you can make yourself feel powerful is such an obvious sign of major insecurities and low self-esteem.”

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He seems nice.
Sam wants some more bread, and who among us doesn’t want more bread I ask you? Asshole Dad pipes in, “Not fat enough already?”  UGH.  What a fucking dick.

Then Gilly gets it going defending Sam!  I love this moment with Gilly.  She’s not scared of Lord Tarly and gives zero fucks who he is, and you know why?  She was raped by her own father over and over and over and over.  Randyll is nothing compared to Craster.

Gilly, “He’s a greater warrior than either of you will ever be.”  She doesn’t know what a MAJOR and SPECIFIC burn that is.  The Tarly’s sigil is a hunter, and their motto is “First in Battle.” Remember, Randyll went on and on about their ancient and renowned sword Heartsbane (Valyrian steel anyone?  We’re gonna need that.), which has been in the family for 500 years.   She nailed that one!!

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That giant bow is clearly overcompensating for something.
When she said that Sam killed a White Walker, little brother Dickon, Dickhead I’ll call him, laughs saying, “There’s no such thing.”  When Gilly says she saw it with her own eyes, I get that it’s easy to dismiss the word of a Wildling who you barely consider a person, but doesn’t ANYONE take this information in even a little bit?

I know Sam is terrified of his father, and I know we all resort back to being kids somewhat when we go home, but I really wanted him to say something.   I’m yelling, “Fight back Sam!!!”   I get that he didn’t want to say anything that might make his father not take in Gilly and Little Sam, but still!

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Awkward.
So they find out Gilly is a Wildling, which was obviously going to happen.  “I took you for a Molestown whore when I saw you and I made my peace with that. Who else would have him?” Such a charmer, that guy.  It’s interesting that however much Randyll hates Sam and Wildlings, he says he will keep and educate Little Sam and let Gilly work in the kitchens, all because it’s what his wife wants.  Looks like Mom’s got some power in that house because she left the table with, “You dishonor yourself,” to Randyll and he didn’t have any response to that.  That dynamic might prove to be interesting, if we ever get back to House Tarly.

Sam did find some balls when he basically said, “Fuck it,” and decided to take Gilly and Little Sam with him.  He also did the worst/best thing he could possibly do to his father, beyond being just himself, he took Heartsbane, the sword that his father said Sam “will never wield.”

What Sam did was like stealing your mean, unloving father’s restored Firebird Trans Am that he tinkers with all weekend instead of spending time with his family, never let’s anyone drive or touch it, and wipes it down softly every evening with a diaper.

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The Heartsbane of cars.
YOU GO SAM!!!  Also, it’s good to have some Valyrian steel these days, though Sam doesn’t know yet it can kill White Walkers. I suspect he’ll learn that and so much more when he gets to the Citadel.  I’m excited for the Citadel!

Question:

– Do we think Gilly is in love with Sam?  Or just appreciates everything he does and “loves him because she cares for him” and feels “loyal to him?”
-Why do I feel bad that I even asked that?
– What role does she have to play going forward?

A GIRL HAS QUESTIONS

Here’s what I liked about this.  After Arya’s initial giggles and satisfaction watching the actors portray Joffrey’s poisoning and death, she has a really surprising, beautiful and important revelation that will move Arya toward “becoming who she is.”

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Straight from yodeling practice.
When Joffrey dies, the actress she’s supposed to kill, who plays Cersei, has a wonderful moment where she cries and grieves over Joffrey’s death.  She brings a very emotional moment to the otherwise farce of a play.  To see Arya, who’s had Cersei and Joffrey on her kill list forever, taken by surprise at how this moment affects her, and how she sees for the first time that although Cersei is horrible, at this moment she was just a mother grieving for her son, like any mother would.  Like her own mother would.

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Lady Crane played excellently by Essie Davis.
She meets the actress Lady Crane who she’s supposed to kill and oh shit, she’s nice!!

I think Arya has another revelation that people might not be just one thing, that this woman maybe shouldn’t be killed, that maybe Jaqen isn’t to be blindly obeyed.

Is Jaqen a good guy or a bad guy?  Or a combination of both?  I’m still unclear of who he really is, his mission, the rules of the Many Faced God, and to what end do Jaqen, the Faceless Men, and the House of Black and White operate?

So Arya decides not to kill Lady Crane, and since “one way or the other, a face will be added to the hall,” this means that it’s Arya’s that face must be added in place of Lady Crane’s, making The Waif SOOOOO happy.

The thing about Arya, since we first met this fiercely independent little girl who rejects all the societal norms and rules she was born into, it was immediately apparent that she was so singularly SOMEONE, that she could never be “no one.”  Arya’s too Arya to ever be anyone else but the amazing Arya .

When Arya leaves Lady Crane she says, “I have to go, my father’s waiting for me.” A lie, but also very true.  Her father, her family NAME and history and all that comes with that, is waiting for her.  In trying so hard to be no one, the experience made her realize she wanted to be someone, and that’s Arya of House Stark.

Then Arya does what I knew she would do, she retrieves Needle.

“Stick ’em with the pointy end!”

Questions/Thoughts:

-I forgot to note that one of the play actors is the inimitable Richard E. Grant playing Tywin.
-I’ve gathered from reading other blogs that the understudy maybe paid to have Lady Crane killed?  That’s who Arya pointed to and said, “Watch out that one, she wants you dead.”  Did Arya just figure this out when the saw the understudy just offstage mouthing Lady Crane’s lines?
-I still find it odd that she kept convincing Jaqen she was “no one,” when I feel like it was pretty clear she wasn’t, but yet she was able to drink from the well and not die.  Did I read that scene wrong?  Wasn’t the water she drank the same water that killed people?
-If Arya kills The Waif in a fight, and honestly, Arya’s not going to die, then The Waif’s face will be added to the wall, which I assume would balance things out?
– I just found a theory going around that The Waif is actually Arya’s old sword/fighting instructor Syrio Forel, who is also from Braavos, and who we never actually saw die.  I don’t buy that one, BUT…
-I MIGHT buy that Jaqen H’gar is Syrio Forel.  Because why did Jaqen show up in this story in the first place?  How did he end up in the Black Cells of King’s Landing and then conveniently on the road to The Wall when they got ambushed?  As a Faceless Man, he could easily have gotten himself out of the cells.   I can’t see Arya just beating The Waif and saying, “Thanks but no thanks. Peace out,” and we never see Jaqen again.

THE HIGH SPARROW OF SCIENTOLOGY

I love the actor who plays Lord Tyrell.  He plays him with such pride mixed with just enough buffoonery.

It’s time for the Walk of Atonement.

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The High Septon is so hot for a good Walk of Atonement.

Here comes Jaime, Lord Tyrell, and the Tyrell army to stop Margaery’s walk and call for the High Sparrow and the Faith Militant to skedaddle.

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Such a nice shot!
The High Sparrow remains confident and unflappable, which leaves Jaime confused, then suddenly he says there will be no walk of atonement.  Wha??  This is the first time he’s backed down to anyone. “Oh, this is interesting,” I said to my cat who was sleeping next to me and doesn’t care that I exist.  Then –

OH.  I DID NOT EXPECT THAT!

The High Sparrow has gotten his claws into Tommen, with the help of clever Margaery who knows which side is wining at the moment.  Oh, this guy is good, and I STILL don’t know what his end game is.

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Oh Tommen.  Are you Katie Holmes in this scenario??
“What’s happening?!” says buffoon Lord Tyrell.  Lady Tyrell responds, as only Lady Tyrell can, “He’s beaten us, that’s what’s happening.”

Then cut to Tommen kicking Jaime out of the King’s Guard, which he doesn’t look entirely too sure about, but he has the support of his Uncle Kevan, who seems to be over both Jaime and Cersei.   I’m glad this happened.  We needed to get Jaime out of those Kingsguard shackles and turn him loose again, which is where he’s at his best, and worst.  He’s also free to marry, have non-incest kids, and go be the Lord of Casterly Rock.  Not sure if they will go in that direction.

Jaime will be sent with a small army to Riverrun to deal with Brynden Tully the Blackfish, Catelyn Stark’s badass Uncle, who escaped from capture after the Red Wedding.

What’s Cersei think about all this?  What’s her plan?  I know she has one. She always does.

Wildfire thought!!

Bran’s vision included a lot of shots of wildfire and seeing the pyromancer’s underground storage.  Now, it was Cersei who originally had the pyromancers secretly making wildfire, and lots of it, some of which was used successfully on Stannis’s ships at the Battle of  Blackwater Bay.

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This shit’s bad news.
I guarantee Cersei, especially with Qyburn at her side, has NOT STOPPED making wildfire.

Remember – the explosion Bran saw in his vision HAS NOT HAPPENED YET.

Jaime and Cersei seem to be connecting like they did back in Season 1.  And that’s bad for everyone.

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Twincest is best!!
It seems Cersei and Jaime are becoming who they’re supposed to be, which is BACK to the old Jaime and Cersei we saw in the first season who were fucking in the tower when they were spotted by Bran, which set off this entire chain of events this side of the Narrow Sea.  It seems the Jaime that emerged on his journey with Brienne has disappeared.

This scares me because Jaime is going to Riverrun, and Sansa (stupidly and inexplicably) sent Brienne to Riverrun to speak to her Great Uncle Brynden Tully.

MR. FILCH IS LOSING IT

Walder’s pissed.  He’s pissed because his house has never had the respect of other houses, and his paranoia that everyone is laughing at him has grown to epic proportions.  His lust for revenge is far louder than his reason.

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Where’s my cat Mrs. Norris??
We learn some VERY IMPORTANT information.  We learn that The Brotherhood Without Banners, Beric Dondarrion’s group, is rallying the commoners against the Frey’s and raiding their supply train.

Beric Dondarrion, if you recall back in season 3, is the guy who was killed by The Hound in the cave, then brought back to life by his drunk, but very capable, Red Witch, Thoros of Myr.

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I’m a pirate!!
THIS is important because of a certain storyline the producers said wouldn’t happen, but I think is actually going to happen.  I posted this picture last week.

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Hopefully!!

COLDHANDS, WARM HEART, CAN’T LOSE!

So, back in season 1, Benjen, as First Ranger of the Night’s Watch, was sent on a ranging mission beyond The Wall and was never heard from again.

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I could use a shower.
We learn that White Walkers attacked his ranging party, he got stabbed in the gut with a sword of ice and was left for dead to turn into a wight.  BUT, the Children of the Forest found him, probably prompted by the Three-Eyed Raven, and stopped him from turning by plunging a dragonglass dagger into his heart.

So the Children created the first White Walker by plunging a dragonglass dagger into a man’s heart, but you can also STOP the transformation by plunging a dragonglass dagger into the heart.  Interesting information.

Questions:

-There have been other men out there the Children could have saved, but they saved Benjen, who is now not dead, but I guess is no longer human?  Why Benjen?
– Bran is officially now the Three-eyed Raven.  That’s some power. Congratulations!
– Benjen is also aware of what Bran has seen in his visions.  How much does he know?  What powers does Benjen have?
– I think it’s no coincidence that Bran Stark is the Three-eyed Raven, or that Benjen  Stark was saved by dragonglass.  I think it’s because they are STARKS who have great magic in their blood, and that first man we saw the Children change into the Night’s King is ALSO a Stark.  He wasn’t just some random guy, I guarantee you.
– Was Bran ALWAYS destined to be the Three-eyed Raven, was he the Raven at birth/before birth and born with those powers?  Did it trigger after he fell?  Or did someone choose him after he was born?
– Also, Benjen, instead of melting some ice for water for Bran to drink, drained rabbit’s blood and had him drink that.  What’s that all about?

THE BEGINNING OF THE RISE OF THE MAD QUEEN

Daenerys says a line in this scene that marks the beginning of her transformation into The Mad Queen.

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Daario makes me miss Jorah.
(Can we get rid of Daario? That dude is so boring.)

One writing problem is that Daenerys CONVENIENTLY asks Daario “how many ships she’ll need to take her army to Westeros?”  He says, “About a thousand.”  Which is EXACTLY the number of ships Euron is building.  Which, by the way, wouldn’t that take DECADES to build???

Then Daario says that she’s not a person to sit on a throne in a palace, that she’s a conquerer. Which I get, but after you conquer, you eventually run out of things to conquer and you have to lead.

Her response, “I take what is mine.”

RED FLAGS!!!  This ties back into seeing the Mad Kind yelling, “Burn them all!!”

I think this statement, along with her burning all the Khals, is Daenerys becoming who she really is, and that is her father’s daughter. With that line she’s beginning to sound like her dad Aerys II, the Mad King.  She’s no longer sounding like the strong, but merciful “breaker of chains.”  It’s no accident we saw The Mad King in Bran’s vision.  I think it’s possible that Daenerys might slowly become the maniacal conquerer that her father was.  Insanity runs deep in the Targaryen  bloodline.  Blood of my Blood.

Dany senses something around the bend and says, “Wait here.”  She’s barely gone for TWO MINUTES when the Dothraki get all restless and Daario’s all, “I’m going to look for her.”  Um, she just walked out of fire, is your leader, and you can’t take a simple order?? This just really bothered me.

Then here come that glorious, GIANT AS HELL, shadow.  I predicted that Daenerys would have to show herself as the best rider of the Dothraki, because being a good horse rider is something they respect.  Also, as I said in a previous review, there is no better rider than a rider of a giant dragon.

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Big boy coming through!
Here’s the thing.  I don’t know why we needed this dragon/rallying cry scene now.  She JUST walked out of a fire unscathed two episodes ago, why does she need the dragon to drive her point home again?  I think she’d still have their loyalty from just a few days ago.  Too soon.

I also don’t think the reactions of the Dothraki were “OH SHIT THAT’S A FUCKING DRAGON!! SHE’S RIDING A FUCKING DRAGON!!!” enough.  Pretty sure this is the FIRST time they’ve seen a freaking dragon, let alone this tiny woman riding it and have total power over it.

Make no mistake – this scene marks the rise of Daenerys’ ascent into power and descent into the madness that runs through her veins.

She can’t outrun her blood.

It’s called The Song of Ice an Fire. This sets up the showdown between Jon (part ice) and Daenerys (fire).

(PS:  Where are her other two dragons?)

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The Mad Queen rises.

Rating:
8.1/10

EXTRAS

THE JON PROBLEM

-I hope we get to the Tower of Joy next week. We saw a bit in Bran’s vision and hopefully we FINALLY find out Jon is the son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen.

-Here’s my problem with Jon. HE’S EXACTLY THE SAME.  If you’re going to resurrect someone, it better have some major after affects!   If nothing changes, all of that is just a big waste of time.  And if we do go to the Tower of Joy, and we find out he’s a Targaryen, which Bran will know and the absent Howland Reed knows, honestly, who gives a shit now?  Apparently Jon will always be boring Jon with NO NEW ABILITIES. So what difference will him being a Targaryen make?
– Cersei will have ZERO qualms to use the wildfire.  She’d rather destroy the city and everyone in it than lose, especially to the High Sparrow.
– The existence of wildfire poses many questions.  Will it be used against the White Walkers?  Can is be used against Dragons??
– Who is the High Sparrow and what is his end game?  It’s been long enough that we don’t know those answers, at least in part.  We need some, and soon.  His easy takeover and reign, mostly unchallenged – that’s got to change.

DOOM OF VALYRIA

Bran saw a dragon flying high in the mist in his vision.  I think this is the same dragon Tyrion and Jorah saw on their boat ride through Old Valryia where they ran into The Stone Men.

On their ride, Jorah recited a poem,

They held each other close and turned their backs upon the end.
The hills that split asunder and the black that ate the skies;
The flames that shot so high and hot that even dragons burned;
Would never be the final sights that fell upon their eyes.
A fly upon a wall, the waves the sea wind whipped and churned —
The city of a thousand years, and all that men had learned;
The Doom consumed it all alike, and neither of them turned

Tyrion Lannister and Jorah Mormont, quoting a poem about the Doom

An event that came to be known only as ‘the Doom’ laid waste to the Valyrians, their capital city, and its surrounding lands. The peninsula itself was shattered, becoming what is now the Smoking Sea. Every dragon was thought to be lost… as were the Valyrians’ spells, knowledge, and recorded history. Thus, the mighty empire collapsed.
Viserys Targaryen[src]

I’ll try to keep it short because you can click on the link. Valyria, for thousand of years, was basically THE superpower of Essos, thanks to dragons.  There was a catastrophic  event called The Doom, CAUSE UNKNOWN, that destroyed everything.  Flames SO HOT THAT DRAGONS BURNED.  It was so epic, that Valyria STILL remains a smoking ruin, four centuries since The Doom.

Dragons burned.  That’s a big deal.

Only one family survived.  House Targaryen, and thus began their reign of power.  They took 5 dragons with them, the other four died.  They left eggs which hatched into Vhagar and Meraxes.  Then all the dragons died out.

OR DID THEY???

What if that dragon was NOT one of Daenerys’ dragons?  What if there is another dragon or dragons out there?

ONE MORE THING

In Bran’s vision, we see snow as far as the eye can see.  Is this because it’s not only that winter, aka The Long Night, has arrived, but also because The Wall is gone?
WHEW!

A girl thinks this is enough to ponder.

Game of Thones S6:E5 “The Door”

I just realized we’re in episode 5, and thus halfway through the season. It’s flying by WAY too fast!

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“Hodor.”

“Hold the door.”

Damn.  Just…damn.  So beautiful and brilliant and devastating.

One question answered, but so many others raised.

Let’s start from the beginning.

SANSA’S GETTING THERE, BUT SHE’S NOT QUITE THERE YET

First of all, I’m taking Brienne with me on all my meetings and negotiations. I love these two together!

Certainly Littlefinger was expecting the old Sansa he left at Winterfell, the one he’s known since she was a wide-eyed, very stupid, young girl.  He hasn’t met this Sansa before, he’s stunned by her direct confrontation, and is left with very little to say.  The directness of it, the relentlessness of her questions, for the first time, he’s unable to slip and squirm his way around or out with his words.  “What do you think he did?” “What do you think he did to me?”  Littlefinger knows exactly what she means, yet he can’t bring himself to speak.

“You freed me from the monsters who murdered my family, and you gave me to other monsters who murdered my family.”

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“Did you know about Ramsey? If you didn’t know, you’re an idiot, if you did know, you’re my enemy.”

After a few pathetic “I’m sorry’s,” he says that her Uncle Brynden the Blackfish, Catelyn’s uncle and Sansa’s great uncle, has gathered the Tully forces and overtaken Riverrun.

Just when you think Littlefinger “lost,” on his way out, he comes back with the dick comment, “half brother,” to remind Sansa that Jon isn’t a full Stark (of course we assume he’s her cousin and not her brother anyway).

I wonder if the information about her great uncle is true?  Is it a trap to kill Sansa and Jon – though I doubt we’ll see him die a second time.
What does he want/need from Sansa?
What will he do now with the knights of the Vale?  Will he side with Ramsey?
Why didn’t Sansa just kill Littlefinger? Does she want something from him?
What’s Littledinger’s plan?  I guess he ultimately wants to sit on the Iron Throne, but we all know that’s not going to happen, so I wonder how he serves the bigger story going forward.  I mean, he’s not going to win, so I have to wonder when he’s going to die?

TO BE OR NOT TO BE NO ONE

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“One way or another, a face will be added to the hall.”

As Arya continues to get her ass kicked by the Waif, we learn that all faceless men started as slaves.  Can the daughter of highborn blood convince the Many-Faced God she is No One?

Arya has learned to answer all the questions correctly, but I still don’t believe that she will never be Arya Stark again and be “no one,” yet she did drink from the pool and didn’t die. Yet Needle is still out there waiting for her, so I don’t know.

She’s tasked with killing an actress named Lady Crane.  She goes to the Braavos Shakespeare-ish show and has to witness, albeit exaggerated, her father getting his head chopped off again.  In the play, Ned is portrayed as a buffoon, which isn’t all that far off to the real version. Ned made some very stupid decisions spurred by his sense of justice and self-righteousness, and got himself killed for it.

(BACKSTAGE DICK MOMENT!)

So Arya has to kill Lady Crane, who seems nice enough, and who is a “Lady.” I assume we’ll learn more about her later.  We don’t know why, but a girl is a servant, and servants don’t ask questions.

What is the real story of the Faceless Men and the House of Black and White?  What’s the deal with the Many-Faced God?  Who is this god?  Who decides who lives or dies?  How does this tie in to the bigger story?

I think somehow the faceless men and the white walkers are connected.  I think there might be a great balance of life and death, and that we don’t know who is really “bad” and who is really “good.”

BRAN – THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THIS WORLD

Bran can time travel to the past and now we know he can affect the past and make contact with the people in his visions, at least in part.  This means he can change the past, and thus the future. No one is more powerful than Bran that I can see.

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Probably not a good idea in retrospect.

We learn the children of the forest, who have been around since the beginning, are not only powerful magical creatures, but created the first White Walker in order to have some help in protecting themselves against the men who were slaughtering them.

This is VERY cool.

It also raises MANY questions.

First.  Who is the guy they turned into a White Walker?  I don’t want to think he was just some random guy they found. I wonder very strongly if that guy is a Stark.

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Who ARE you Daniel Craig’s brother??

If the WW and Children of the Forest were allies and friends, what happened?
Did the White Walkers evolve somehow? They are clearly intelligent. Why did they turn against the Children of the Forest, their creators?
Have they always been beyond the wall and just dormant for thousands of years?  Or did their return start with the first scene in the first episode?  I doubt they were just sitting around and then casually decided to come out again. What caused them to rise again?
Was there some magic that reappeared in the world that triggered their reawakening?

IRON DANISH PACEY

The Kingsmoot was MUCH longer and super boring in the books, so thankfully they kept it rather short here.  I’m glad to see Theon and Yara banding together.

Yara gives her stump speech to what looks like just a few Iron Islanders, which doesn’t help with giving us an idea of their population.

She does a pretty good job until asshole Uncle Euron shows up.

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Euron.  AKA Danish Pacey.

Yara gives a resounding speech, but of course they don’t want some broad leading them, but they’ll THINK about it now that Theon says a few words on her behalf.  Typical.

Then Euron shows up, points out that his niece is a woman, and thus figuratively penis-less, and his nephew is literally penis-less, grabs his dick, points out that he has a penis, and he wins.  Got it.

Then Euron mentions Daenerys. This is the first mention of her from someone this side of the Narrow Sea. It seems he knows quite a bit about her from his travels, currently more than anyone else in Westeros, and he thinks he’s just going to “galavant” up to her, show her a nice brochure of all his ships, his dick, and she’ll marry him.  I’m sure that will go really well for him.

Good on Yara and Theon for stealing the fastest ships while Euron was being drowned, because the first thing he wanted to do when he came back was kill them.  He seems nice.

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I drowned and all I got was this driftwood crown.

Question.  Euron drowned.  No one performed CPR.  Is it just luck he came back to life or is there some magic involved?

Anyhoo, Euron’s definitely got more secrets up his sleeve.   There’s also another brother out there, Victarion, who’s in the books who has no love for Euron.  I wonder if he’ll show up.

Let’s hope Yara gets to Daenerys first, because she DOES need a lot of ships now that she has the entire Dothraki army.

IS THAT THE LAST WE SEE OF JORAH?

When was the last time we saw Dany cry?  And is this the last we’ll see of Jorah?  If so, it seems like a pretty uneventful send off.  I’m glad he told her he loved her.  At least now he won’t die in the friendzone.

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If this is the last we see of Jorah, at least he can have some peace that he did everything he could for Daenerys and, even though he can never be by her side, he can find some comfort that he’s back in her good graces and knows she loves him.

Although, Jon did mention the Mormonts when he named the houses that are still loyal to the Starks.  Will Jorah go back home?

OH HELLO NEW HOT RED WITCH!

 

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Kinvara.  Played by Ania Bukstien.

Kinvara wears the same garb and necklace as Melisandre, but she’s younger (and probably much older), and has the many titles of  High Priestess of the Red Temple of Volantis, the Flame of Truth, the Light of Wisdom, and First Servant of the Lord of Light.

Kinvara says that Daenerys is the One Who Was Promised.  That’s interesting because at this point Melisandre currently thinks Jon Snow is, and thought Stannis was.  I wonder who’s right?  It seems that Daenerys has the characteristics to be the Lord of Light/Azor Ahai, and it would seem typical in this world to assume it would be a man and not a woman, who are constantly underestimated.  Although I’m not sure if the Prince Who Was Promised and Azor Ahai are the same person.

In the books, Azor Ahai was a legendary hero who lived approximately eight thousand years before Aegon’s Landing. It is said that during the midst of The Long Night, Azor Ahai rose up and defeated the Others, who I assume are the White Walkers (maybe),  wielding a sword of fire called Lightbringer.

This raises the question again, did the White Walkers return because something triggered their return?  Or did the White Walkers return then that triggered the birth/return of the Prince Who Was Promised and/or Azor Ahai?

It seems that Kinvara knows a thing or two about Tyrion and Varys.  It was interesting to see Varys stunned into silence when she mentioned she knew what the voice in the fire said, and who the voice was, when the “second-rate” sorcerer cut off his boy parts way back when and threw them into the fire.  I’m desperate to know what that voice said, because I bet that’s what’s been driving Varys his entire life, and could be a big secret that we don’t yet know about Varys.  Is he all “good?” Does he have ulterior motives we don’t know about?

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OK.  You’ve got my attention.

The way Kinvara said, “We serve the same queen. If you are her true friend, you have nothing to fear from me,” made her seem quite ominous, more so than Melisandre ever was.

She mentions “this war, and the great war still to come.”  I don’t think Tyrion and Varys are yet aware of the “great war to come.”  Nor am I sure what “this war” will be.  When will everyone learn about what is coming from beyond The Wall?

With all her titles, is Kinvara superior to Melisandre?  Her boss in a sense?  Does she have more power than Melisandre?   Are her and Melisandre in contact?

Is the Game of Thrones really a battle not between humans, but between all these mysterious gods?  We have the Old Gods, the Faith of the Seven, the Lord of Light, the Many-Faced God and the Drowned God.  I’m interested to see how they all connect.

SANSA’S EGO IS WRITING CHECKS HER BODY CAN’T CASH

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I like that Sansa is becoming strong, but her ego is definitely getting ahead of her abilities. My big question is why did she lie to Jon about how she knew about her great uncle The Blackfish?  Did Littlefinger’s jab “half brother” get to her (which would be disappointing)?  She’s making a big mistake not fully trusting Jon.

Another bad decision is sending Brienne away.  First of all, why Brienne?  It’s not like her and The Blackfish have a relationship.  To send Brienne to Riverrun, where she can’t protect Sansa, makes ZERO sense to me.  If Brienne dies because of this, I’ll be pissed.

HOWEVER, I know that the showrunners said they won’t have a certain character from the books appear in the show, but they could just be lying to protect the secret.  Sending Brienne to Riverrun might be the opportunity for this moment.

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And of course:

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Tormund is SO getting some of that majestic warrior woman!

The one moment of humor in this ultimately devastating episode.

BRAN AND TIME TRAVEL CONFUSION

All of this next part raises so many questions for me.  Time travel and affecting the past gets very complicated.

What exactly are the powers of the Three-Eyed Raven?  He can go into the past, but how far?  To the beginning?  Can he only go into the past?  Was he able to make contact in his time-travel visions, or is that just Bran?  Did he know Bran would have that power?

Does the Night’s King know who Bran is?  What does he want with him?  I still suspect the Night’s King is a Stark.

A nice development is that once the Night’s King touched Bran and was able to put his mark on him, he’s no longer protected by magic.  This is crucial because in the books, though it was told through a different character named Cold Hands, there is also magic in The Wall that doesn’t allow White Walkers pass through, similar to the Three-Eyed Raven’s cave.

But now that Bran is touched, if he goes back to the other side of The Wall, it seems now the portal is open for the White Walkers to come through.

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Are these two related?

It seems now that maybe everything is Bran’s fault. The Night’s King now being able to bypass the magic. Hodor’s fate/destiny (my heart hurts!).  I wonder if the White Walkers rose because of Bran’s birth?  Because as has been established, Bran is the most powerful person perhaps ever to exist in this world since the beginning of this world.

A lot of people are sacrificing themselves so Bran can live. He must be the Second Coming. Of what, specifically, remains to be seen.

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The power to change the past and thus the future forever.

Other questions:

Can Bran go back and stop himself from falling off the wall and paralyzing himself?
Can Bran go back and, say, stop certain people from being born who wronged him and his family? Or wronged many people?  Like Aegon?  The Mad King?  Joffrey?
Can Bran go back and stop the first White Walker from being created, and just stop all this from happening?

For the questions above, if he can’t do those things? Why can’t he?

I’m very confused on the time-traveling as it affected Wyllis/Hodor.  We see Bran going back in a vision, but also able to hear from his present world that help is needed.  Suddenly Wyllis “sees” Bran and Bran does a dual-worlds warg into both young Wyllis and present Hodor.

Since we saw Hodor as Hodor when the show started, it seems that Bran ALREADY warged into the past to fry Hodor’s brain that stuck him in that devastating moment.

We’ve gotten into very dicey territory.

Some important things we learned.  Fire doesn’t affect the Night’s King.  That’s a big deal because then dragons are useless against him, unless dragon fire is different.  Can dragon glass kill the Night’s King?  Or is he immune because magical dragon glass is how he was created?

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The Night’s King is the King of Winter, yet fire can’t kill him.

I’M SO FURIOUS ABOUT SUMMER!!

Fuckfuckfuck!!!! WHY???  Just WHY?  Yeah, I get that “winter” killed “Summer.”  But it just seemed fucking lame.

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STOP KILLING DIREWOLVES!!

With no one but Meera left to protect him, Bran is going to need new protectors. We never heard the fate of his uncle Benjen Stark, maybe he’s still out there. Or maybe someone else is out there, a much older Stark. Perhaps Bran the Builder?  No matter who it is, they better show up soon.

“HOLD THE DOOR”

When I watched this I yelled out loud to my cats, “Oh my fucking god!  ‘HODOR’ is “hold the door!!”

The beauty and brilliance and sadness of that – just rip my heart out and stomp it to a pulp.  I don’t even care.

Of all the brilliance that has come out of George RR Martin’s brain as far as creating this world is concerned, this might be the most brilliant and devastating of all.

Every time the gentle giant spoke the word “Hodor,” he was speaking of his death.

The way this was done, cutting from present back to Bran’s vision, was just so poetic and emotionally brutal to watch.  Of all the deaths on this show, this is absolutely the worst, most beautiful, most heroic one ever.

As I said before, Bran was able to warg into Wyllis in the past and Hodor in the present at the same time, and it was all to save himself.  Hodor had one destiny, created by Bran, and it makes Bran seem so cruel.  I think Bran will have a hard time dealing with this in upcoming episodes.

I wonder, did Hodor know this? If so, that’s all the more heart-wrenching.

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And he did.  He held the door.

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There are no words.

HODOR.

10/10 for Hodor.

8.25/10 for the rest of the episode.

Game of Thrones S6:E4 “Book of the Stranger”

 

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Hells yes!  NOW we’re cooking!!
HERE WE GO!

(SPOILER ALERT)

Look.  I understand that things need to be set up, I know chess pieces need to be moved around, and I don’t even really know a lot about chess except for that one movie with what’s his name, the “concerned Mom,” and that kid.

In that movie, Ghandi tells the kid, “Don’t move until you see it,”  which is what Weiss and Benioff were doing, subtly moving pieces to set up some greater play.  I got what they were doing last week, but the episode was still pretty boring, except for the Tower of Joy stuff.

If last week’s episode was the Four Knights Game, this week was the Queen’s Gambit.  All those little moves from episodes 1-3 are now paying off BIG TIME, and even though we didn’t get our big R + L = J reveal this week –

I DON’T EVEN CARE!  WHAT A FANTASTIC EPISODE!!!!!

Unlike last week’s episode, this one flew by, riveting storytelling, great pacing and a hot ending.  It’s one of those classic GoT episodes where you’re super bummed that it’s over so quickly.

REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!

After all the shit the Starks have been through, after being separated for so long, not knowing if any of their siblings were alive, the near misses of seeing each other, I wasn’t sure that Sansa, Brienne and Pod would make it to the wall in time before Jon’s dramatic emo exit.

BUT THEY DID!!

And it was so damn satisfying.  SO. DAMN. SATISFYING. We needed this reunion as much as Jon and Sansa did.  I know I did.  This is actually the first scene ever with just the two of them together.  It was done so well because even though those actors know each other, they’ve never been in a scene with just the two of them.  So the joy for Jon and Sansa to see each other again, to be together for the first time, really resonated.

Just think of everything these two characters have seen and have been through.  Jon’s seen white death coming, he’s seen death itself, Sansa’s seen her father decapitated, tortured by Joffrey, systematically raped by Ramsey.  They look so much older.

Sansa apologizes for being a shitty sister, Jon for being the sulking, brooding half brother.  I love these two and this moment so much!!

Then back to reality.

New “no bullshit Sansa” is right that no one is safe with Ramsey Bolton as warden of the north.  “I’m tired of fighting!” says Jon.  Here’s what I don’t get about having him say that.  He KNOWS what’s out there, as Edd said to him earlier.  He knows he can’t outrun what’s coming.  Yes, Jon, I get that you’re tired, got betrayed and stabbed to death by your Night’s Watch brothers, were dead for a few days and whatnot, but you know you can’t run from the Night’s King.  They’re awake and they not stopping.  And also, where else would he go?  Winterfell is his home, winter is coming, the white walkers are coming.  Jon needs to get it together.

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No, YOU’RE crying!!!
By the way, the look on Tormund’s face when Brienne comes in. It’s a brief shot, but his wide-eyed expression is priceless.  He’s seen a lot of things, giants, white walkers, wights, but he’s NEVER seen a Brienne of Tarth!! More, oh so much more, on this later.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF THIS UNCOMFORTABLE SCENE

Davos comes out for a small chat with Melisandre, who’s looking pretty tired.  Davos asks her if she’ll stay at Castle Black, she says she’ll do whatever Jon commands, since he is the Prince That Was Promised.  (If you don’t know what this means, it would behoove you to look it up. It’s very important.)

On this note, Jon looks nothing like a “Prince that Was Promised,” or even an every day somewhat-promised prince. He looks just like Jon Snow who tried really hard to do the right thing, got murdered by his bros, came back to life and is just the same brooding Jon Snow.  I hope that changes.  I suspect Bran, when he knows Jon’s parentage, might help him realize his powers.

Note how Melisandre didn’t tell Davos how Shireen died.  She knows she can’t or she’ll lose Davos’s support forever, and she’s smart enough to know that Davos has some wisdom and experience that she might need – again.  However, it’s weird that Davos would let this go since he loved Shireen.  He’d want to know what happened and I think he has to find out at some point.

Here comes Brienne, it’s weird to see these three together.  She tells them how she executed Stannis, then directed the talk of the black magic killing Renly to Melisandre.  Now, this was a bit odd, because does Brienne know it was Melisandre who birthed the demon out of her magical, yet old and dusty, vag?  Does she even know she’s a Red Witch?And anyway, Melisandre just really needs to find her own identity.  Girl, you don’t need a man to give you purpose!! Be your own person for chrissakes!!  You do you!!Also, what if the Prince Who Was Promised isn’t a man?  Because someone else we know sure looks the part.

THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BREAST FEED UNTIL YOU’RE  12

Robert Arryn sure sprouted up and has reached his awkward period.  The actor, Lino Facioli, is perfectly cast.

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“Thhhhptthhtt”
Littlefinger is being his usual Littlefinger, and as Lord Protector of the Vale, he’s got control of the easily manipulated, and possible slightly retarded, Lord of the Vale, Robert Arryn.

Whats Littlefinger up to?
Did he know how bad Ramsey was?
Why did he want Sansa to marry Ramsey in the first place?
How did he know she’d escape?He clearly wanted the Knights of the Vale to join the fray.  What’s his plan?  Of course he doesn’t know what’s coming on the other side of the wall, so what does he think he’s going to accomplish?  He has no claim to Sansa, Winterfell, etc. as he has no powerful family or royal blood.  With what’s arriving with winter, I don’t know how Littlefinger fits in.

7 YEARS A SLAVE

Negotiating a slow end to slavery when you have ex-slaves on your council is quite awkward.  But Tyrion has to do something to stop the Sons of the Harpy, and the Slave Masters aren’t just going to stop being slavers without being offered an equal or better lifestyle.Tyrion, a great politician, has plugged a leak in the dam, but methinks there will be more cracking.  And Varys had little to say. It’s never good to have Varys in a scene, who is the most delicious with words, with little to say. I want them to make Varys useful again and important like he used to be.  He just doesn’t seem crucial to the story any more and I want him to be, because he’s fantastic.

I feel Meereen has been played out, and they have to go. I felt it during this scene, which was somewhat flat, and then I KNEW they would be moving soon by the end of the episode.

DICK SWINGING AT VAES DOTHRAK 

Daario and Jorah are on a Daenerys rescue mission, and poor Jorah, whose greyscale is getting scalier, has to listen to man-child Daario boast about his sexual exploits with Daenerys.   Daario still thinks this is just a game. Yes, he’s seen the dragons, but he still just sees Dany as a hot piece of ass queen he’s bedded.  He acts the way he does because he hasn’t seen what Jorah has seen.

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D: “Dude.  I touched her boobies!” J: “I saw her walk out of a pyre unburnt you infant.”
DOTHGETAMOVEON

Danerys is sitting in the all-female Dothraki widow’s book club being bored to death, as I have been with the Dosh Khaleen scenes, and the slow moving of the chess pieces. Danys goes out and runs into Daario and Jorah.  They want to run, but Daenerys has another idea. THANK GOD!  As we’ve seen, some of Danys’ other ideas are awesome. Like pretending to sell Drogon for all the Unsullied then busting out some High Valyrian before frying the asshole Kraznys and taking the Unsullied and freeing them. TAKING them.  Daenerys is much better when she just TAKES shit as opposed to being a politician.  Now she has Tyrion for that, and she can go back to killing her enemies yet being compassionate to her followers.
We’re getting our Khaleesi back!!  More on this later!

MARGAERY IS STILL HOT

Margaery is still staying strong. She gets a nice lecture from the High Sparrow about how he was into material things and whores and such, and then walked away from it.  I still don’t think we know who this guy is.

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Ugh. Can someone bring my Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses?
Also, Margaery is doing a good job of being who she knows the High Sparrow wants her to be.  She’s still strong. I mean, she’s been trained by the best in Lady Olenna, so she’s not some easily manipulated little girl. But Loras isn’t doing so well.  It seems he’s been on a regimen of beatings, which isn’t quite the holy way to act is it High Sparrow?  That High Sparrow isn’t the spiritual guy he makes himself out to be.  He’s got a plan and I want to know what it is.

OH TOMMEN.  YOUR GOOD HEART IS WASTED HERE

Cersei visits Tommen.  He’s just not strong enough for this. He’s not a Lannister lion, he’s a kitty.  Speaking of Lannister kittens,  SER POUNCE FOR EVA!

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Poor Tommen, never the lion always the pussy.
Tommen’s let the High sparrow and Faith Militant run roughshod over him, let them throw is wife in jail, and forced his mother to make the horrifying walk of atonement.  He says they shouldn’t antagonize him so things won’t escalate. He also says he has something very important to tell her, something he promised the High Sparrow he wouldn’t tell anyone.  Now, of course the High Sparrow knew Tommen would run and tell his mother everything, so I wonder what this piece of information is that clearly weighs heavily on Tommen?  Is it that the Tyrell’s killed Joffrey? Is it that he knows he’s the product of incest?

Also, I bet Grand Maester Pycelle has to be doing some scheming behind the scenes against Cersei.  Otherwise I’m not sure why that guy is still at King’s Landing or even alive at this point.

THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS MY FRIEND

Cersei is also getting her mojo back (while Jaime’s has all but disappeared).   The women in general, Sansa, Daenerys, Cersei, – are all getting their power back, and it’s so much more exciting.

Cersei may hate the Tyrells, but she needs them.  They need each other.  Cersei knows that there’s no way in hell Lady Olenna will let Margaery do the walk of atonement.  Cersei has a plan.  So that  Tommen and the crown can claim innocence, the Tyrell army will come to King’s Landing, free Margaery, Loras and Lancel Lannister, kill the Faith Militant, take the High Sparrow into high custody or kill him. It’s actually not a bad plan. If it fails, it’ll be civil war.  But as Lady Olenna says, “Better them than us.”

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“Many will die no matter what we do.  Better them than us.”
Thought:  Why is the walk of atonement only done to women?  Why didn’t Jaime have to do one? Perhaps powerful women are who they feat the most? Just like in real life.

THE PRODIGAL PENISLESS SON RETURNS

Many sibling reunions on this show: Sansa and Jon, Margaery and Loras, and now Theon and Yara.

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“You should rule the Iron Islands.”
I shouldn’t feel bad for Theon, but I do.  It’s a testament to the writing but mostly Alfie Allen’s performance.  The thing about Theon is that he’s not a bad person, he just made some really, really shitty decisions. He’s paid for them many times over and there’s no doubt he’s learn his lesson. He knows he could never be the ruler and leader his sister is.  I hope he and Yara can really come together.  They’re going to find that each other is all they have once the power struggle for the Iron Islands begins.

FUCKING RAMSEY – YOU KILLED TONKS!!

I think I knew the second that Osha came into that room with Ramsey that she wan’t going to leave.  She had zero cards to play.

AHHHHHH!  BRIENNE AND TORMUND SITTING IN A TREE! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!

Brienne’s expression at the dinner table is priceless!! Tormund’s giving her the eye!  Never in a million years would I think to put these two together, but it’s SO PERFECT!!

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The kids are using a new word called “shipping.” Which means putting fictional couples into a pair.  AND I’M SO INTO SHIPPING THESE TWO!

Back in season 3, episode 7, The Bear and the Maiden Fair, which was the first time we saw Brienne in a horrid dress, then fight a bear, Tormund gave Jon some sex advice. “You need to be patient. Give her time.  Your cock shouldn’t go near her till she’s slick as a baby seal.”

Brienne’s in for a good time!!! And she won’t have to wear a dress. Tormund would want to slowly peel that magnificent woman out of her armor.

JON RECEIVES THE MOST ASSHOLE LETTER EVER WRITTEN

Jon receives a letter from Ramsey.  In the letter, they find out he has Rickon, and basically Ramsey writes every single thing he can think of to push their buttons.  He wants a fight. Jon’s not convinced, but Sansa is.  What else can they do?  Ramsey can’t be ignored, especially when he lives in their home. What I love about this scene is that Tormund doesn’t even think twice about going to battle with Jon.  I wonder if the Night’s of the Vale will help?  And still, what about the white walkers???

THIS IS THE KHALEESI I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR!

Bottom line, Daenerys is at her best when men underestimate her. It’s happened on her entire journey.  Her brother, Khal Drogo (my future sperm donor) at first, the owner of the Unsullied, etc.  And now again with all the khals, all of whom I shall name NOT Khal Drogo.

With all the Khals in Vaes Dothrak, it means that ALL the Dothraki  Khalasars are there.  I can’t find a number, but that could mean possibly five hundred thousand to a million riders.  I predicted last week she will somehow get all the Dothraki behind her.

Dany comes in, and there they go again, underestimating the silver-haired, pale “pink little girl.”

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You are small men.  None of you are fit to lead the Dothraki.  But I am. So I will.
DOTHRAPEY

So of course these Khals refuse to think outside the box, and definitely can’t think outside Daenerys’ box.  So in typical fashion, Khal Moro threatens to rape her, all the rest of the Khals and bloodriders will rape her, then the horses.

Oh Khal Moro.  You are no Khal Drogo. And now you’re not even a Khal Moro.

FUCK YEAH!!

This burning scene is awesome. It’s meant to mirror the end of season one when Dany survived the fire and birthed three dragons in the process.

FYI: It’s a misnomer that all Targaryens don’t burn.  They do burn.  GRRM has said that Daenerys is an anomaly, that she’s magical.  I’d like to know what makes her magical, but she definitely is magical.

Her second rebirth is seen by ALL the Dothraki, unlike the first time where only a few hundred saw her.  Now she has all the Dothraki, the Second Sons, and the Unsullied, and now I think it’s close to time to move on from Meereen. She has to cross that Narrow Sea at some point.

Now Daario the man-boy, who just saw her as a hot piece of ass, now sees what Jorah sees.
Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons.

That’s our Khaleesi!!

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She’s back and hotter than ever!!!
9/10!!